The temptation to lie back and think of England’s weather rather than face it is particularly strong this time of year. Take it from me: a southerner with an indefatigable ability to fall back asleep, who has been likened to a slug when swaddled in a duvet. My only foothold is that back home my mum refuses to turn the heating on until deep into November. Still, a titanic effort is needed to venture into the Arctic tundra of the second year house. First years note – take full advantage of your radiators.
1) Set many, many alarms. Place these far, far away from your bed. Do not set a song you like as an alarm unless you are prepared to end up hating it. Even if it feels as if you are waking up into an American teen movie or a channel 4 sitcom about university student life, this is not an option. Ideally, something not too breezy either unless you’re a real morning person. The last time I heard the Samsung alarm ‘Morning Flower’ I felt mildly repulsed. I will never be a Morning Flower. I’m more of an afternoon cabbage.
2) After the first alarm goes off, open your curtains to let in the harsh winter sun (or lack of). Open your windows as well. Although it will be colder, fresh air helps you wake up (and sober up if you’re hungover). Remember to shut the curtains again when you get dressed. Unless you’re into that.
"Open your windows as well. Although it will be colder, fresh air helps you wake up (and sober up if you're hungover)"
3) Crucial are those first few seconds before you remember that Donald Trump is the president of the United States. Distract yourself before you get out of bed otherwise leaving it will be a lot harder. While the weather forecast for the UK may not be great, the political forecast for the USA is much more dismal. Take selfish comfort in this. Every cloud has a silver lining.
4) Look forward to something, even if it’s breakfast; tea or coffee if you’re feeling adventurous. The housemate that gave me this advice makes waffles, my saving grace is a cereal from Tesco that contains 7 different types of nut.
5) Prepare a motivational speech. It will polish your creative skills. You could set it as your alarm. Who doesn’t hate the sound of their own recorded voice? Even people who like the sound of their own voice too much in a conversation probably don’t like it replayed to them. You’ll be leaping out of bed to make that godawful racket stop. It doesn’t need to be a rhetorical work of art. Here I’ve started one already: don’t let anything stop you, wake up from your dreams to live your dreams. If all else fails just download Shia LeBeouf’s 2015 masterpiece. JUST DO IT!
"Who doesn't hate the sound of their own recorded voice? Even people who like the sound of their own voice too much in a conversation probably don't like it replayed to them. You'll be leaping out of bed to make that racket stop"
6) Radiator pants work well for another of my housemates. Leaving clothes on the radiator overnight compensates leaving the warmth of bed a little. Pro-tip: make them thermals and layer yourself up like a lasagna. Marks & Spencer do a good range (thermals not lasagnas). Inadvertent product placements aside, hopefully this helps you seize the day.