Big Names on Campus. Love them or hate them, you know them through their tactical ways of persuasion, flirtation or pure godly genetics. You probably haven’t met them, or seen them, but from what you hear, they have a lifestyle of ease, elegance and eminence.
They don’t spend money on nights out – rounds are presented on the hour and bouncers slip them a quick handshake with a nod to the lucky date. Education is something on the side; university is a haven for social status and sports teams. And as for friends? There’s a squad, or disciples who follow in the footsteps of their leader, but all completely irrelevant. A BNOC can pick and drop whomever they want and no offence will ever be taken. If you’re reading this thinking challenge accepted – follow these simple steps. Although, it probably won’t get you anywhere, as a real BNOC will never reveal their secret.
“You know them through their tactical ways of persuasion or pure godly genetics”
1. Run for SU president. And win. If SU president fails, run for any society president to make the SU president know you.
2. Join a sports team. And we’re not talking virtual football team here. If you have the stamina of Mo Farah or the attitude of Serena Williams, it’s a guaranteed honour to all teammates who serve you.
3. Become a borderline alcoholic. Yes, this means going out 6 nights a week with Sunday as a day to eat and other godly things.
4. Look like a celebrity. If you don’t look like at least one half of Brangelina on a good day, how do you expect people to notice you?
“If you don’t look like at least one half of Brangelina on a good day on a good day, how do you expect people to know you?”
5. Throw a project X party and make sure everyone knows it’s your project X party. If it doesn’t get shut down by the police, it was a waste of your time and money.
6. Learn how to mould tracks into 1 with a DJ set. Chicks dig the DJ’s and you’re automatically invited to most house parties that matter.
7. If all else fails, sleep with everyone. May be you’re famous for the wrong reasons, but we do know you.
However, actually if you have any sense, a BNOC has very little perks, and it’s more than likely that although people want to be you, they actually kind of despise you in every way possible. But, for those who want to give it a go, I hope this makes everyone wear army pants and flip flops, just because you wore army pants and flip flops.
Last modified: 26th October 2015