I LOVE Eurovision. I am unbelievably excited. What could be better than spending an evening listening to the intelligent wit of Graham Norton taking the piss out of the extravagance and over-seriousness of an event which, to us Brits, is nothing more than a good excuse for a bit of a knees up on a Saturday night in May.
Whether it’s the gloriously gaudy costumes or the overly-experimental dance moves, there’s something for everyone in the Eurovision Song Contest. It is an annual ceremony of celebrating togetherness whilst simultaneously maintaining our British stiff-upper-lip, zero-sentimentality identity. On top of this, despite the flamboyant ridiculousness of it all, it’s also a chance to discover some great new music, with bangers like 2012 winner Loreen’s ‘Euphoria’ and 2017’s Portuguese ‘Amar Pelos Dois’ being widely downloaded after the event (myself included).
Whether it’s the gloriously gaudy costumes or the overly-experimental dance moves, there’s something for everyone
Despite this, every year, the UK is the laughing stock of the contest, usually finishing in the second half of the pecking order, however in our defence we’ve never received the infamous ‘Nil Points’, and we’ve come second a record of fifteen times as a country. We’ve also won five times, admittedly not any time recently, but this really isn’t that bad a statistic. However, the last few years have been pretty poor, with our best result coming from Jade Ewen’s ‘It’s My Time’, which finished in 3rd in 2009. Not bad at all. This year’s entry comes from Michael Rice. Yeah, I haven’t heard of him either, but Eurovision isn’t exactly a haven for best-selling artists now is it. To be fair the song isn’t that bad – in fact if you like Sam Smith then you’ll very much enjoy it because it’s sounds exactly like every song he’s ever recorded. Michael himself is quite a good singer, and the song features all the expected tropes of a Eurovision classic: a quiet, unaffected introduction, epic lyrics about freedom and world unity, a gospel choir and a key change. Perfect.
I’ll still be surprised if it does well though. It’s in very grave danger of blending into the crowd. After all, there are 26 songs to listen to in a row and you need yours to be something different in order for it to stand out. Also, ballads are always nice but never do very well. Sadly, Michael, I have a feeling you’ll be looking at a low score this year. But we appreciate your effort and we’ll be cheering you from our front rooms nonetheless. My prediction? A 19th place finish.