So, Nintendo have done some fans dirty. They have got our boy Tanukichi taking the flak (AGAIN) for their mobile money-laundering schemes. Everybody’s favourite debt collecting Tanooki boy Thomas Nook is back in the headlines. He’s the fall guy. A scapegoat without the horns, you might say.
What people don’t understand about Thomas is that he’s a dog, a raccoon dog, and he has a family. You have to understand what this man is doing for you. You come to this town, you, with your little hamper and a head full of dreams, and you rock up expecting real estate. Try doing that in New York in real life, bozo. This guy goes out of his way to give you a spider-ridden home in an already densely populated town. He takes a chance on you, by giving you a right to life. You expect to do this for free, you monstrous parasite?
Say we remove Thomas from the game. Goodbye. No more debt. You’re now playing Animal Crossing on creative mode (BORING).
Everybody loves to hate him because he’s just the man with the cash. But that’s the only reason you don’t like him. The bells. Negative association. He’s Wall Street. Have you ever stopped to wonder that maybe Tom Nook is just a raccoon trying to make an honest living in a world that lacks many of the basic capitalist routes to fiscal responsibility?
Do you understand the conversion rate on 19,800 bells? Are you trying to tell me that you could get a one room detached house for that kind of cash anywhere on the planet? The busywork he makes you do is not even demoralizing either. Oh, what a shame, you have to go write some letters, introduce yourself to some lovely people. Plant a god damn flower. Woe is you, right.
And if that doesn’t satisfy you, he owns a shop with his two cute nephews, Tommy and Timmy. They will starve without patronage. You can walk around in real life (positive reinforcement) and you earn coins you can trade for his fortune cookies (yummy) which you can exchange for old video games consoles and memorabilia for your home. Collector’s items, in exchange for your everyday commute. What an asshole, huh?
Have you ever stopped to wonder that maybe Tom Nook is just a raccoon trying to make an honest living in a world that lacks many of the basic capitalist routes to fiscal responsibility?
Say we remove Thomas from the game. Goodbye. No more debt. You’re now playing Animal Crossing on creative mode (BORING). Who cares what the value of anything is. Who cares about goals or progression or house upgrades? You want to buy a shovel? You better fucking make one, dude. Tom doesn’t stock a store if nobody pays any rent. You people fail to realize that Thomas is the heart and soul of your damn town. He also happens to be a cute, raccoon old man who has helped millions of people find housing sans credit score, previous employment records or a god damn cent to their name. How dare you shame him?
He has to deal with an economy founded on bugs and fucking shells. He has to build houses so you guys don’t fucking die when the winter rolls round. He makes the tools you need to sustain yourselves. He is the paragon of the proletariat. The adorable scion of social mobility. Long live Tom Nook.
Last modified: 6th November 2017