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Roast, Toast and Soapbox

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Roast

The Pacer

You’re at the station. You’re heading home for the holidays, or perhaps on your way to visit a friend at another uni. You’re armed with a good book, a contented heart and a scenic train ride ahead of you. A time of blissfully gazing at the countryside and…

NOT TODAY say the train gods. You catch the first glimpse of your steed – a glorified bus hastily plonked on rails, decrepit, abominable, exhausted as it limps along the platform. Onboard you are cramped next to a sweaty man whose body takes up half of your tiny seat. The window is too high up, the noise of the diesel engine is deafening, and you can count yourself lucky if the toilet works. More seriously, a wheelchair user is left behind disappointed because these bastards are not wheelchair accessible.

It’s time to put these relics of the 1980s where they belong: on the eternal scrapheap of hell.

Rae Farren

Toast

Chick Peas

The family favourite legume that seemingly creeps its way into my life every week. A chickpea in my opinion is one of the most versatile food options the world has ever seen; who knew about the capabilities this little bean had? Having previously been a vegetarian, myself and chickpeas began our love affair in attempts to create a super tasty meal on a super tasty budget.

Aldi’s finest, for only 30p a tin, makes it affordable on all levels and surely a staple in everyone’s cupboards. Be it a curry, a salad or even a cake, chickpeas are truly just the gift that keeps on giving. Packed with vitamins, fibre and minerals and of course being the most essential ingredient in hummus (pardon the rah-ness of that sentence) there is no way any other legume can compare. This little legume packs a lot of punch and to say I have a small addiction to chickpeas would be a vast understatement. If you do not share the same sentiments, I would urge you to think again, as the world would truly be a very different place without our saviour the chickpea.

Isabel Ellis

Soapbox

UCU Strikes

Before we start ranting, lets have a fact. Your tuition fees are invested in corporate finance, about 80p per seminar goes to your teachers, and much less for lectures. You are NOT entitled refunds over missed lectures, at best about £4, about a pint. A pint…while your lecturers lose thousands from their pensions. We all know you wouldn’t have gone anyway.

Secondly, if your biggest concern over your education is money, rather than gaining a meaningful education, then what’s the point? Your lecturers have devoted themselves to the pursuit of higher knowledge, the betterment and advancement of mankind. They deserve the money more than any useless lazy student.

Thirdly, it’s not their fault. Blame Chris Day, blame the consumer culture and casualisation of education. Blame the Tories, or your own stinking culture and its broken, rotten, attitude. Blame yourself.

Or, moan, because you’ve lost a pint. There’s a word for what you are, but Grace won’t let me publish it…

Alex Walker

Last modified: 4th March 2020

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