Salty Classics

Ollie Burton says "fuck Roger the sadistic arse" and other salty things about literature.

Ollie Burton
5th December 2016

What classic do you tell everyone to read, and why?

Oh, the tyranny of choice. Those who know me will hardly be surprised, but I think Orwell’s 1984 is a bastion of independent thought in a time when we need it most. Regardless of where you fall on the political compass, take heed and keep your wits about you.

What’s the most overhyped classic?

I found Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn incredibly tedious and ultimately a chore to get through. There are occasional entertaining passages but unfortunately a trend of the time seems to have been simply describing the various tediums of late 19th century living.

What classic do you lie about having read?

Pride and Prejudice – I’ve read analyses, seen stage shows and film adaptations, and at no point did I give the slightest mind as to what was transpiring before me. I simply don’t care anymore, certainly not enough to try and digest the original text.

Snog, marry, kill the characters in the last classic you read.

Difficult, because I re-read Golding’s Lord of the Flies, which is mostly populated by children. To stay out of prison, I’ll snog the severed pig’s head (without onlookers, obviously), marry the corpse of the fighter pilot, and definitely kill Roger, because fuck Roger, the sadistic arse.

From two different classics, what is your likely ship?

Deckard from Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? and any one of Kurt Vonnegut’s Tralfamadorians - I think a nice combination of existential dread and fatalism would ensue, which makes me happy on some level.

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