The (Budget) Easter Egg Hunt

It’s a funny thing, when we go out and buy chocolate versions of our favourite breakfast savoury item in droves. We do this to appease the almighty rabbit deity, an animal that does not lay eggs, but commands us to take the products of his chicken brethren, paint them in strange colours and leave them around the garden for our children to collect. Somehow all of this is an homage to the resurrection of Jesus Christ. But let’s not get in to the semantics, here are a bunch of Easter eggs that you should, or should not buy. I’ve done the hard work for you, thanks to the wonders of online Tesco.

Star Wars Egg

Taste: 0/5

Presentation:

3/5

Extras: 0/5

See that little Kinnerton logo? Yeah, I didn’t, and I’ll regret that until the day I fall into the Sarlacc pit. The Star Wars branding caught my eye first, so it gets a few points for presentation, mainly because the alluring image of R2D2 averted my eyes from that devilish company name in the bottom right. Tasted like Jabba the Hutt’s back end. Don’t bother.

Tesco Finest Lemon and Lime Egg

Taste:

2/5

Presentation:

5/5

Extras:

0/5

Somebody at Tesco needs to be fired for this monstrosity. This was my wildcard, and in a cruel twist of fate, it betrayed me. Lemon and Lime and chocolate was not something that my taste buds or my stomach agreed with, and I ended up having to surgically remove the offending bits so I could eat the nice Belgian chocolate around the outside, which was far more bearable. That’s why although it was awful to taste it gets a few points anyway. Besides that, it looks cool, but you can’t polish a turd, and they don’t give you anything extra except pangs of guilt and stomach pain.

After Eight Egg

Taste:

5/5

Presentation:

4/5

Extras:

3/5

I ate this one at like 3 o clock in the afternoon, just to be edgy, but it didn’t diminish the taste whatsoever. Our capitalist overlords over at Nestle seemed to have a moment of weakness here, and instead of leaving the egg to be a bland, chocolate shape, they made it taste exactly like a big round after-eight. A novel idea. Bravo. The extra mints didn’t hurt either, but there’s room for improvement. Chocolate pocket watch or something next time? Give me a call, Nestle.

Rolo Gift Tin Egg

Taste:

3/5

Presentation:

5/5

Extras:

5/5

Really impressed with this one. I’m already biased because I love Rolo’s, and now I have a nice shiny tin to show for it. The egg was crap itself, but I’m a real sucker for shiny containers, and it delivered that in style. The Rolo’s were probably the best part, more of an aesthetic achievement than anything else, but I’m not complaining. I have no idea what I’ll put in my new tin, but I’m sure it might save my life one day.

6 Pack of Kinder Surprise Easter Mini Eggs

Taste:

5/5

Presentation:

5/5

Extras:

5/5

Impeccable taste (if you like your milk chocolate milky as anything), great value for money, a toy in each and a nolstaglic throwback to childhood to boot. And six as well! Guilt free purchase, it even tastes like it could be good for you and make your bones stronger or something. The only real choice. Don’t play yourself.