Sometimes, films don’t live up to their expectations. You find either in the cinema or on the sofa at home, your eyes begin to droop and before you know it you’re fast asleep and can’t remember a single thing that happened in the film, feeling confused as the credits are rolling. For today’s challenge, our writers look at the films that make them feel snoozy.
The Witch (2015)
My flatmate is a huge fan of films that explore the concepts of witchcraft, black magic, and ancient concepts from history, so when he suggested watching The Witch I was intrigued by the film, as I also have an interest in witchcraft and the tales of witches, the hunts and the trials.
I’m usually a fan of supernatural horror films, its actually one of my favourite genres. However, there are a select few from the genre that are so dull. For a horror movie, all the reviews sounded great, such as “It’ll scare the hell out of you” and “joins the ranks of such landmark horror films as “The Omen,” “Rosemary’s Baby” and “The Exorcist.” But I don’t agree. I was so bored and ended up falling asleep before it even reached the half way mark.
Even though the film tells of age-old concepts of witchcraft and hints at the forces of the supernatural I really struggled to get into the film and didn’t find it interesting. Therefore, it resulted in me dozing off, missing more than half of the film, and waking up very confused.
Mr Turner (2014)
Have you ever felt trapped in a cinema, where you’re so bored but don’t have the guts to walk out. This was Mr Turner for me, and I’m gutted because having subsequently watched it, I see it’s merit. It is however 2 and a half hours of heavy dialogue following the film of a painter whose life I honestly thought was more eventful. It’s filled with beautiful costume and set design that unfortunately I missed out on. This is because I was asleep. It may be the period of the film or characters that honestly lacked any spice but this was a tough watch. It was a little like pushing a boulder up a hill. Mr Turner made a mark on art history he just unfortunately didn’t capture my imagination that time in the cinema.
Tropic Thunder (2008)
I expect many of the movies talked about here being ripped into about how boring they are and how they are prime nap time. I went for a slightly different choice. Whenever I’ve watched Tropic Thunder (2008) I haven’t fallen asleep or felt bored because the film kept me laughing from start to finish. I was laughing so much that by the end I was exhausted and my chest hurt so much so that I had to go have a nap afterward. So rather than just ripping into how boring this film is I want to praise this hilarious pre-nap experience.
If you haven’t seen Tropic Thunder just go watch it right now. Go. The cast is insane with Robert Downey Jr, Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Matthew McConaughey, and even Tom Cruise. That’s only a few of the many big names as there are many more who only have a few lines in insignificant roles but that only helps build on the humour and ridiculous nature of the film. The film is beyond meme-able with jokes and lines that are just iconic pieces of cinema.
If you are struggling to fall asleep pop this bad boy on and you’ll be sure to tire yourself out from laughing. And if not then you’ve just watched a great movie from the comfort of your own bed. Double win.
Dark Phoenix (2019)
I’m not sure how long this piece will be because I remember very little about this film because I fell asleep. I have regrettably seen The Last Stand, so I knew what I was getting myself into when they announced they were reviving the Dark Pheonix storyline. However, my mum loves the X-Men and wanted me to go see it with her. How much I saw is debatable though because I literally fell asleep.
Why did they hire the same director to revive it? Why did they let him write it? How, in God’s name, is The Last Stand better? The existence of this film is baffling. I just can’t get over it. Plus, maybe controversial opinion, I don’t think Sophie Tuner is a good actress. It was quite painful to watch, until I fell asleep. This is the only time I have ever fallen asleep in a cinema, so this was impressively bad. I’m pretty sure it’s the biggest box office failure for a superhero film ever, and I completely understand why.
I think I missed a good portion of the middle chunk of the film, and woke up to Erik trying to rationalise with Jean and it didn’t end up well. For the rest of the film I was just struggling to keep my eyes open, with not much luck. Oh God, I just remembered the villain was Jessica Chastain as Vuk, a shape-shifting alien mutant thing. She was so bad in this! I don’t like her as an actress normally, to be honest, but this was a low point for her. To be honest, this entire film was a low point for everyone in the cast.
Basically, do not give this film any of your time.
The Last Airbender (2010)
I know I have seen this film. At some point. I remember roughly ten minutes of this film (there was some water, then some fire, that’s about it) and the rest of it consisted of me having a nice long nap. Which, just googling the film for today’s prompt, was probably a good idea. Scoring an impressively low 5% on Rotten Tomatoes, Empire graciously gave it two stars and described it as “disappointingly clunky” and a “botched fairy tale”. Sounds about right, to be honest.
Yes, I know it’s based off an animated tv-show. And it’s supposed to be really good. But have I watched it yet? No. M. Night Shyamalan has wrecked this universe for me and I’ve got a feeling if I put that on, my muscle memory might wake up and I’ll just curl up and doze off again.
If anyone actually does remember anything about this film, please don’t tell me. I can’t say I really want to know, or that I care for that matter. I had a lovely sleep. Don’t ruin that memory for me…
Clouds of Sils Maria (2014)
I watched this for Kristen Stewart and the gorgeous shots of the Swiss countryside. Both of those are, in my opinion, the only interesting and redeeming factors of this unnecessarily long and honestly just boring film.
There is SO much dialogue, long phone calls about stuff we don’t care about, pretentious speeches on film and life that barely move you at all. It’s ‘arty’ and ‘intellectual’ in the worst possible way; the whole grand metaphor for an ageing actress reprising a play she did in her youth is basic and doesn’t actually add anything to the story or emotion. There is meant to be this whole repressed current of desire between Stewart and Juliette Binoche, who plays the lead; it’s barely noticeable, and I say this as someone who loves a good ol’ yearn. Maybe I should re-watch it to see why some people heap it with praise – except I’m never putting myself through such a dull two hours again.
Forrest Gump (1994)
I’m probably going to get SO much hate for this choice but the truth it, I don’t remember anything from this film apart from maybe Gump running around everywhere? Of course the iconic line “Life is like a box of chocolates…blah blah blah.”
This film was so boring and slow I literally fell asleep within the first 20 minutes. It doesn’t help that Tom Hanks voice is so beautifully soothing that it lulled me into a lovely slumber. Having googled this film to be able to write something here and finding that the film is 2 hours and 22 minutes long and merely follows Gump’s life throughout the ENTIRE film, I’m kind of glad I fell asleep.
I haven’t really got anything else to say about this film because I don’t remember it and haven’t watched enough to pass a judgement on the American History, philosophising part of the movie. But, if one thing is sure, if this isn’t your cup of tea, it’ll certainly send you into a snooze as it did me.
Last modified: 5th May 2020