Top 5 Worst Achievements

James Troughton shares his woes over some of gaming's hardest-won virtual accolades.

James Troughton
10th March 2019

Achievements! Generally, they're a sign of satisfaction and bragging rights. But some just aren't worth it. Here's our top five worst game achievements.

5. First Riddler Trophy

Whilst Batman: Arkham Origins lays claim to a phenomenal story and enjoyable gameplay, the side content is fairly lacking. Whether it’s taking down Anarky or the Mad Hatter, they aren’t as engaging as facing off against Troy Baker’s fantastic impersonation of Mark Hamill's iconic Joker. One of these side-characters you’re tasked with hunting is the Riddler and, to take the overly dramatic egotistical prick down, you must find all of his datapacks. This earns you an achievement to show the world how much of a time-waster you truly are and, whilst it is fairly easy as all of the packs are shown on the map, it is incredibly disappointing as you get very little pay off. The reward for your endeavour is a little Riddler trophy and some dialogue. All of that extra time leads to practically nothing and leaves you feeling empty which is the polar opposite of the emotions an achievement should elicit. It’s in the name.

4. Bolt Collector

Ratchet and Clank is perhaps my favourite game series of all-time but, in the shoddy port to the PlayStation 3, some nightmarishly tedious trophies lay waste to the iconic titles of the platform genre. Most were simply set around the pre-existing bonus content in the game that unlocked rewards in the ‘Goodies’ menu of NG+ but some were added simply to add fluff to the trophy gallery. One, in particular, was truly horrific; you had to earn one-million bolts in-game (luckily, not all had to be in your bank account at once) which takes over five playthroughs to do. Not only is the icon misleading, displaying a bolt counter with ‘100k’ deceivingly and lazily slapped next to it, but the actual trophy is incredibly glitchy, sometimes not clocking even if you hit the bar required. They even attempted to patch the glitch that gave you infinite bolts which still requires you to leave your PlayStation 3 dormant for a good number of hours. Luckily, this is still something you can do and makes the trophy far less of a headache. I love you Ratchet and Clank, but I can’t consecutively play through you that many times.

3. Rare Specimen

The Crowbar Collective have been working on Black Mesa for a staggering ten years and it is a truly wonderful remaster of one of the most iconic and impactful FPS games of all time. Despite the unmitigated love this game has garnished, it has a stain left behind from the sadistic mind that decided to implement an achievement far harsher than that of the gnome from Half-Life 2: Episode 2.

It was difficult enough carrying the gnome throughout the entirety of Episode 2 which is in a relatively short game when compared to the goliath that is Black Mesa but doing the same exact thing with a random, meaningless purple hat as you explore the bleak facilities under siege by various forces is a much more difficult task. After completing it, there is no sense of reward or pride, just the overwhelming feeling of regret.

2. Stanley Parable

To simply pick one achievement from this title would be far too difficult. The developers transformed their work on Garry’s Mod into a fully fledged game and it was an absolute treat to play through. However, the developers clearly have a vendetta against us achievement hunters and so the second layer of gameplay that is gathering these useless achievements was a far less fun experience. Although, out of spite, many players, including myself, have unlocked them all. They vary from ‘Don’t play The Stanley Parable for five years’ to ‘Play The Stanley Parable for the entire duration of a Tuesday’ all the way to ‘It is impossible to get this achievement’ but determined fans of the game found their workarounds and bypassed these hilarious yet insulting challenges.

1. Emperor!

Elder Scrolls Online, my favourite MMO (put down the pitchforks), is obviously home to a variety of multiplayer achievements with it being a massively multiplayer game. These are the bane for any achievement hunter, especially those who are not good at adapting to the PvP climate which requires a significantly larger amount of skill than player v environment. Aptly put by redditors ‘Jefe051’, ‘MaxAddams’ and ‘CiceroTheBackstabber’: “Do you need sleep?

If so, pretty much out of luck. Have a job? Pretty much out of luck. Have school? Pretty much out of luck.” You need to grind nonstop to get the number one placement in the alliance war, beating the other players who are also wasting an immeasurable amount of time, and remain at that number one spot until the inner keeps are taken.

This is nearly impossible for anybody who can’t dedicate all of their time to the game as there are many players who are doing exactly that to get the achievement, competing with you every step of the way. You’re best bet is to find a campaign of people willing to let you retain the number one spot and, in a competitive online climate, that would be a true miracle.

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