Now, let’s be honest, the state of the current dating scene for those in their twenties is questionable at best. With the amount of apps available and the excitement of post-COVID freedom still fizzing in some of us, experiencing our lives to their fullest is something at the top of everyone’s list. After my breakup last year, it was definitely a mindset I decided to embrace. I decided that this would be my time to do things for myself, pursue experiences that I loved, and see where this newfound freedom would take me.
I decided that this would be my time to do things for myself
In terms of dating, I decided to be young and sort of test the waters before committing to anything serious. Having been one of those girls in and out of long-term relationships since she was teenager, a lot of my personality was shaped (at the time) by the person I was with. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that wasn’t healthy at all, and with the help of my lovely friends, I slowly pieced myself together. I began to find hobbies to fill the time I’d previously spent with partners, organised trips with friends on my now free weekends, and filled my evenings with self-care whilst watching films I wanted to watch.
However, a part of me missed the affection. Due to being in back-to-back relationships, I’d never tried a dating app, and thought fuck it - why not! - And downloaded them all (except Tinder, which I am banned from by no fault of my own and is a story for another time). Gathering together my friends, I made a profile selling the best parts of myself, and the likes started coming in. Honestly, at this point, I was pretty overwhelmed, but it’s safe to say that it quickly became addictive. If this was a cheesy film, someone would press pause, and the voiceover would say, “and this is where it all began” - as per their design, the apps had me hooked from day one.
If this was a cheesy film, someone would press pause, and the voiceover would say, “and this is where it all began”
Almost unconsciously, I became a serial dater. There would be a new person every few weeks, my friends began to lose track, and even I became exhausted trying to keep up. I loved the chase, I loved going on silly little dates and making up silly little scenarios in my head. Deep down, I never wanted anything serious, and most of the people I dated didn’t either. Admittedly, there were a few times I came close, but fate pulled me away. I’d always say, “I’m not looking for anything serious, but if it comes along, that’d be nice” or “My future husband isn’t going to be found on a dating app”. And I meant it. However, one day, a switch flipped. I reflected on my actions and with the help of my therapist realised it was time to stop. The apps were deleted the next day, I went on my last date, and I’ve put myself into dating retirement.
What started out as a little bit of fun turned into an emotional cycle, where although I was meeting new people and thoroughly enjoying my time with them, it was never destined to become anything more than surface-level. I became freaked out at the prospect of commitment. I look back on a lot of my encounters fondly - stolen kisses on dancefloors, late-night conversations in lamplit rooms and cooking together listening to our favourite songs on full volume. There was the occasional situation that ended in tears but it was a mostly formative experience that I don’t regret at all. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that I know much better the life I want for myself. Being able to date has shown me the things I’d like in a future partner, but also better helped me to identify what qualities I find unattractive. These fleeting connections have revealed so much about myself and helped me learn many things about my own personality that I wouldn’t have if I’d just shut myself off to new connections. Sometimes, I do feel a bit lonely and like I’m missing out on not having someone, especially as the majority of my close friends are in long-term relationships. But then I remind myself that comparison is the thief of joy, and I am content being able to curl up in bed with my Kindle app and not worry about anything, or anyone, else for a few hours.
It’s time for me to focus on my own future without distractions. With graduation right around the corner, now is not the time to be messing around. Maybe when graduation finishes I’ll try again with commitment in mind, but for now, I’m content just letting life take me along on it’s journey.