January/winter blues, or Seasonal Affective disorder (SAD), has effects on our motivation, sleep patterns, sex drive, mood, appetite, and general outlook on life. When these start to come into your relationship it can be hard to distinguish what’s prompted by these feelings and what’s legitimate. It can be daunting in any relationship, especially the newer ones where you are experiencing this period together. Wondering how to navigate it suddenly with someone else is a lot to consider.
Some of you may relate, but, for myself these months cause a lot of anxiety, and thus a lot of irritation. There’s plenty of overthinking, worrying and frustration. Consequently, when I try to express my feelings to a partner during this feeling, it often comes out as anger – causing overall disruption. I’ve been in a long-term relationship where I feel at some point, we got this down. But now navigating a newer relationship with someone, I feel like learning all of this again with my current partner has been almost a refresh.
Here’s some tips for you and your partner to use during these months:
Notice these patterns and communicate!
Seasonal Depression/January Blues doesn’t always come across as someone who is sad. Often patterns of irritation (where it is not usually found), lack of motivation to do things, drop in sex drive start to come into play during these months. It’s hard to notice these patterns in yourself but We can take this sudden lack of engagement very personally, causing miscommunications. If you notice it within yourself, or in the other person (boundaries considered) just talk about it. Have consistent conversations about how you/the other person feels, whether this is a reaction TO something in the relationship or not. And how you can support each other through it. These conversations don’t need to be frightening or concerning, and they don’t need to mean an end. Creating a space where you can talk about these things within the winter months will also just simply better your communication throughout.
The other one I would recommend is helping each other.
When I say this, I don’t mean to then put your focus in the other person but do things together. You do not, and shouldn’t, play therapist for each other or see each other in this way. Little things to do together will help you both with some motivation. Maybe some study dates, cleaning together, crafting random stuff. It doesn’t need to be sudden and a lot, but if its within what you both feel you can handle at that point then it will encourage you both separately as well as partners. It also then, sort of, resets the whole tension of these months and your relationship. A breather for you both.