A+ for Attractiveness

Everyone’s encountered one: the TILF, or Teacher I’d Like To... (Fill in the blank). Molly Harris explores the forbidden crushes that you harbour for your lecturer

16th November 2015

English lit is a subject renowned for high numbers of girls, but who needs fit freshers when the lecturer is a total ‘tilf’ (think ‘milf,’ but of the teacher variety).

In he walks and it’s not what you’ve expected. It’s not the old, slightly balding, tweed wearing man you imagined your lecturer to be, instead he’s a total silver fox. Tall, slim, with a little designer stubble. I only needed to look around the room to see it wasn’t just me interested, he makes all the girls (and some of the boys) in the lecture swoon. This man is going to lecture us for the next three years, how lucky are we?

  However, the realisation quickly dawns that in a room of 200 people it’s hard to make a good impression.  Try and make an intelligent comment, but it’s more likely that’ll end in saying something stupid and embarrassing (in fact my infatuation faltered slightly when in a lecture he fairly ruthlessly shut down people for getting the answers wrong, thus ruining any future chance of me speaking in a lecture). After 5 weeks it’s fairly apparent I’ll probably never make a good impression, chances of him even learning my name is slim, and I’ll always be just another hungover face in the crowd. Despite this rather depressing realisation I still show up which is a credit to him, as no matter how severe the hangover, somehow that 9am start doesn’t seem as bad.

If you ask me attractive teachers is one of the best ways to get better grades. My GCSE physics grade went up from a C to an A because I had to memorize the electromagnetic spectrum just to impress him. Lessons became less about the class and more about his ass. But long gone are the days of physics classrooms, now I like the more poetic type. Including a long haired 30 something poet / lecturer. You can only imagine him muttering perfect iambic pentameter in your ear.

“Lessons became less about the class and more about his ass”

   So the question still remains, why do we actually fancy them? Can we simply put it down to the fact they are in a position of power, and even outside the class room we want to be told what to do, or is it more about breaking the rules? But you have to ask, is it the person or the place? It could be that in places such as school and university there are so few attractive teachers, we immediately assign our affections to the best looking of the bunch. If we are being honest with ourselves if we passed them in the street would we still be swooning?

  The teacher-student relationship is a popular dynamic explored on TV and films too. Who doesn’t remember the Ross and Elizabeth episodes on F.R.I.E.N.D.S? Or the Drew Barrimore Rom-Com ‘Never Been Kissed?’. So what is our fascination with this seemingly forbidden relationship?  When I asked my flatmates about their experiences with teacher crushes they all seemed to have one, it’s almost a rite of passage. My favourite story was when one of them fainted during woodwork, and whilst being carried to the nurse the conversation was about an altogether different kind of wood.

“May our grades continue to improve, and our Futile affections continue to flourish”

  So all in all as long as there are attractive teachers in the world our crushes will remain strong. May our grades continue to improve, and our futile affections continue to flourish.

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