Chris Day changes name to Chris Week

Joe Molander reports on the Vice Chancellor’s rebranding decision

Joe Molander
1st April 2021
Image: Dafne Cholet on Flickr
Newcastle University Vice Chancellor Chris Day has today announced he has changed his name to Chris Week. The Courier understands this was one of the demands issued by the hackers behind the cyber attack for them to stop selling students’ data.

This is, of course, a joke: the real reason behind the name change remains unclear, and The Courier doesn’t understand anything.

Some say the change is a reference to the fact that Chris Week intends to work seven times harder. The tuition fee refund will still not go ahead, as seven times zero is still zero.

This is contradicted by other reports of a complete tuition fee refund, with generous interest. What is known is that Week is working so hard that he has started generating electricity, to the relief of students at Castle Leazes.

Before settling on Week, the Vice Chancellor is thought to have considered a range of other potential new names. These include:

  • Miami Vice Chancellor
  • Vice Chancellor Palpatine
  • Chris Daily (to appeal to newspapers, after his university dropped in one of their rankings)
  • The artist formerly known as Chris
  • Jesus Chris: Superstar

Week denied that this would be confusing for the literal dozens of students who know who he is.

“Time is a construct,” Week told our reporter, “except during deadline season.”

Week is not the only part of the university machinery in for a rebrand. As part of its campaign to get younger students to consider studying at Newcastle, its official slogan is to be changed to “Best uni in UK!! (not clickbait)”.

In keeping with the feel of the slogan, Day has released a new official portrait:

Image: Chris Day on Twitter, Joe Molander and SypherPK on YouTube

Any further developments will be added to the article as soon as they appear. Readers should note, though, that it is not expected that any new information will come to light after today, 1 April.

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AUTHOR: Joe Molander
Head of Current Affairs and co-founder of The Toon Lampoon. Politics, interviews, satire and the Courier's leading authority on frosted tips. @JoeMolander on Twitter and full portfolio available on Muckrack.

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