Christmas Jumpers: Musician Edition

Our music writers discuss which famous artist they'd like to theme their ugly sweater season around this Christmas.

multiple writers
5th December 2020
'Tis the season to be jolly, and you know what that means; time to crack out your worst Christmas sweaters! With a huge range of comedic or just plain stupid design to choose from, our writers discuss which celebrity musicians they think would fit in best with a knitted pattern this winter.
Noel Gallagher

When I think of celebrity musicians to feature on your chest throughout the festive period, the number one name that springs to mind has to be Noel Gallagher. I mean, he’s literally got “Noël” in his bloody name!

A range of jokes apply, from the French greeting of “Joyeux Noël” to jokes about the cold and being ‘made up North’ (does Manchester really count?), but perhaps the biggest laugh of all comes from the fact that the Britpop superstar despises the holiday with a passion. In fact, the only gift he gives at Christmas is his songwriting credits to various department stores in exchange for a few extra zeros in his bank account.

This Scrooge-esque attitude is somewhat contradicted by his bell-chiming tune ‘Wandering Star’ from last year but the Grinch image is what he likes to project, so placing his gloomy face on a bright sweater is the ultimate irony for the Oasis head honcho.

Plus, you just know that any bootleg merchandise made without his approval would piss him off, so buying such apparel only becomes ever more appealing.

Finlay Holden

Gerard Way

When I received a beautiful blue jumper with red-and-white stripes on it from my dad for Christmas 2013, I was overjoyed. Not because it was extra warm and would be great for our upcoming winter vacations, but because it resembled, however vaguely, Gerard Way’s famous jacket from the music videos for My Chemical Romance’s 2010 Danger Days album.

If Way made a similar, more screen-accurate jumper an official piece of merchandise, that would be truly awesome. Given the temporary MCR reunion, the fact that the original album’s storyline was supposed to take place in 2019 and the grim concept behind the album, it would actually be fitting for Christmas 2020.

That being said, it’s tough to decide–Neil Cicierega, commonly known by the stage name Lemon Demon, would probably come up with something quirky and creative as well–perhaps the talking mongoose from his hit ‘Eighth Wonder,’ or an arcade-game scene as a nod to ‘Cabinet Man,’ often thought to be a Polybius tribute. He’d be the runner-up in this imaginary contest.

Elizabeth Meade

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