Everyone likes a bit of action, and while some of us get more than others, it’s a sad fact that ‘20% of women don’t orgasm’, compared to only ‘2% of men’.
This study by Durex is a very cis-gender way of looking at things, but if anyone knows about sex, it's Durex. And there you have it, the orgasm gap. Obviously, these statistics stem from a lack of understanding of the female body, and also, a lack of care from our sexual partners.
Masturbation is key. Whether you’re an ardent advocate or a late bloomer, you need to realise your own needs so you can communicate them with a partner.
So, let's address an age-old question: where is the clitoris? Yes, it does exist, and no, I’m not going to insert a diagram from www.all-vulvas-are-beautiful.com. Communication is the answer. And, on that subject, as RuPaul once said, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”. You might think it’s a reach, but this idea can also be applied to sex. Masturbation is key. Whether you’re an ardent advocate or a late bloomer, you need to realise your own needs so you can communicate them with a partner. Especially if that partner has different sexual organs to you (there’s a reason lesbians have less of an orgasm gap!).
Masturbating has been a particularly taboo topic for PWVs, but the stigma around it is improving. So, please, for your own sake, spend some time getting to know your own body. And masturbating with a partner is sexy too! (Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!)
You need a partner who is asking: “am I bridging the orgasm gap?” during sex, rather than “what is the orgasm gap?”
Sex toys are also an amazing introduction into any sexual endeavour. Whether it be your standard vibrator or a sonic clitoral massager, there are plenty of less manual ways for us PWVs to achieve that mind-blowing orgasm. And if your PWP is embarrassed by any of this, throw them away. Seriously though, you need a partner who is asking: “am I bridging the orgasm gap?” during sex, rather than “what is the orgasm gap?”
Another important point is that sex isn’t just penetration - what a heteronormative way of looking at things! If a PWV says they can orgasm from penetration alone, they’re either very lucky or they’re lying! Repeat after me: it’s all about the foreplay. And after-play. And…. during play.
And, if porn is your thing, there are increasing numbers of female-centred porn sites that focus on the female orgasm. Practically unheard of.
So, the moral of today’s article is… have a wank.
Titles I didn’t choose for this article:
“Lets talk about sex (baby), with an emphasis on you and me”
“How to achieve the big O when your partner is a big NO”
“Orgasms: How to get that “Sexual Healing””