Dating Disasters

Think you’ve had it rough with romance? Think again. Phoebe Ng has found those unlucky few whose dates have redefined the word awkward

16th November 2015

The Gross Fantasy: Before Tinder even got popular, I have been using and met this guy. It seemed a normal site and I thought I could meet someone who is of similar age and background.

I waited for him outside the station. A man approached me. Not only did he looked completely different from the profile picture, clearly not a uni student, he also had a bad stutter. I was quite annoyed that he lied. But I felt a little bit sympathetic for him, because if he was being honest on the profile, most people would just shy away from him (at least I would... as human nature).

"He seemed a bit drunk after some drinks and started revealing his gross fantasy of having someone sh*tting on him"

He seemed a bit drunk after some drinks and started revealing his gross fantasy of having someone sh*tting on him. It was a quiet Japanese restaurant and literally everyone heard his astonishing speech. Despite being still extremely hungry, I faked going to toilet and disappeared, fearing what may happen after. It was quite a shame I could not even finish my edamame beans.

I never used this website ever after.

The inappropriate sleeper: DISCLAIMER: She could drink a lot more than me and I was trying to keep up.

There was a girl I met at my friend’s party who really liked jazz so I thought it would be nice if I took her out to Ronnie Scotts, the best live jazz place round the area. At first I brought her to a small pub crawl as a ‘pre-drink’. We had a few pints but soon I realised she could finish one much faster than me. She did not seem like she could drink that much as she seemed quite petite and cute. I was trying to keep up and got a bit drowsy even before going to Ronnie Scotts.

We continued drinking at Ronnie Scotts. The last thing I remembered ordering was an Irish Coffee which probably weren’t the best idea. We managed to find a seat and within 10 minutes, I fell asleep. I had no idea what happened afterwards but I supposed she was quite annoyed having to take care of a first date.

As you may have expected, I did not get any second date.

The awkward third wheel: Nothing would be more awkward than having a third wheeler on a first date, right? I thought this was a universally known fact, but no. This guy was obviously unaware of this unwritten rule.

This was not just any third wheel though, he actually brought his brother with him on the first date. His fully grown, proper adult style, big brother. And it was the first time we had actually physically meet.

"He did not explain anything. I am not quite sure of his motive"

He did not explain anything. I am not quite sure of his motive - Perhaps he was actually looking for girlfriend for his brother? As far as I am concerned, his brother was in his 20s and seemed perfectly capable of looking after himself for the evening. He did not explain anything. I am not quite sure of his motive - perhaps he was actually looking for girlfriend for his brother? We had some normal conversations so it was not too bad. But it was absolutely nothing like a date.

The Clingy Ex: It was almost seven years ago, back when flip phones still existed. I brought my college sweetheart, who I have been dating for almost half a year, to the football stadium where I had a game.

I went to the pitch and left my cell phone to her just in case of any emergency. She placed my stuff on the bench and suddenly just walked out in the middle of my game. I found out I was in a sticky situation when I saw my phone - my ex-girlfriend had been ringing, and clearly my girlfriend picked it up. Realising I got into big trouble, I had to quit the game early in order to clear things up.

My ex had been trying to contact for many times (she was very needy which was exactly why she ended up as an ex), but unfortunately my girlfriend picked up in this occasion. Not sure what my ex said to her; I just knew she get very angry and told my ex to ‘“leave me alone and that she had let me go and it was her loss, if she continues to contact me she would be sorry.”

It was awkward, crazy (and funny) at the same time. At times we still recalled the story and had a good laugh. And one lesson learnt - don’t leave your phone to your girlfriend ever.

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