Rumours of this expedition first arose in late 2021, when Theroux shunned his previous documentary filmmaking, claiming he had ‘heard the call of the wild, wild ocean’ and must obey. The details of this final adventure were kept under wraps until early this morning; when Theroux finally took to Instagram to address the rumours.
It was revealed that in the wake of their annual viewing of the critically acclaimed The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl 3-D (2005), the pair became inspired to take to the seas, before descending into the fiery depths of the earth's core. Theroux appears to be setting off in search of Sharkboy, conducting his final interview before traversing into the centre of the earth where Attenborough wishes to examine any fire-proof animal life he may find.
These plans were described in an emotional speech conducted over Instagram Live, in which Theroux revealed his desire to reject fame and fortune in order to film this ground-breaking documentary before succumbing to the flames.
In his speech, Theroux described the crippling hold wealth has had over him throughout his career, stating that ‘my money don’t jiggle jiggle, it folds’. The journalist then further disclosed how fame had even gone so far as to skew his opinion of women ‘I like to see you wiggle, wiggle, for sure.’ Theroux finished with a candid description of the medical concerns which have arisen as a result of the pressures of stardom, claiming ‘you make me want to dribble, dribble, you know.’ We may only guess at which ‘you’ the traumatised man is referencing.
Attenborough, however, has remained remarkably quiet about this undertaking, making only one comment to an undisclosed source after being cornered in a Wetherspoon’s bathroom. The broadcasting giant stated ‘I’m 93(?), I’m pretty sure I’m immortal and this seems like a good way to find out. Now let me pee in peace.’ Attenborough has declined to add any further comment.
Accompanied only by Attenborough’s cat, an emergency tin whistle, and a suspicious-looking man going by the name of ‘Big Steve Soupman’ – who is rumoured to use a ladle in place of an oar – the dynamic duo are set to sail to an undisclosed location in late summer 2022.
We can only hope that at least one of them makes it out alive.
Their final documentary is coming to the BBC in Spring 2023.