DEBATE: Does Krampus exist?

It is debated whether Krampus does exist or not.

Michael Duckworth
11th December 2021
Christmas Card featuring Krampus and Santa. Image Credit: Flickr.

Krampus does exist (argued by Michael Duckworth):

Newtons third law of motion states “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.” As we know the holly jolly Father Christmas exists, there must, according to all know laws of nature, a dark shadow of our gift-giving, sleigh-riding, reindeer-owning, mince-pie munching Grandpa Claus. 

Krampus is the name given to this ominous figure. He is a fierce yet mysterious demon that has haunted the human imagination for millennia. He is the harsh arbiter of judgement against wicked and wilful children of earth. Sources vary as to his exact duties; some say he merely steals their Christmas gifts and replace them with coal or branches whilst other tales involve Krampus devouring the corrupt infants in their festive slumber. These warnings are dismissed as simple scare-tactics for morally questionable parents, but I believe a darker truth lies behind these folktales. Such stories seem to be a warning from beyond the realm of our imagination dispersed into our history and society, but it has gone largely unnoticed by the sheeple that populate our earth. 

Anthropologist and literary historians have for centuries attempted to translate and comprehend the scripts of ancient folksongs written by the Saint Michael Bublé. In his more foreboding chronicles, we learn of a global population terrorised into good behaviour, quote “you better watch out, you better not cry/You better not pout, I'm telling you why/Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town”. What horrifying force of nature has paralyzed the entire population of Mother Earth into an emotionless, robotic corruption of Christmas cheer? This certainly doesn’t sound like our benevolent lord and saviour Santa Claus, who spreads joy in a free and harmonious fashion.

No, what I testify in this article, dear reader, is that lying dormant beneath the fiery pits of Tartarus is a creature so wretched, so demented and evil that only the eternal, godlike potency of Mariah Carey can keep his wickedness at bay. In her enchanting ballad “All I Want for Christmas is You”, Carey uses some genius Machiavellian wordplay, seemingly calling upon some aloof male lover; in reality, Carey is calling upon the universal “you”. Everyone on Earth is compelled in Carey’s aria to forego the material trappings of consumerist capitalist modern society ergo: “I don't care about the presents/Underneath the Christmas tree”. 

A clear message can be discerned from the words of Carey, Bublé and other Profits of Yuletide (such as the elusive Wham!, the enchanting Wizzard and Chris Rea); we mere mortals must pursue a genuine warmth and connection to our loved ones and the holiday season itself, for it is the only way to prevent His return and the dawn of the Krampocalypse. 

Krampus does not exist (argued by Rebecca Sykes):

Krampus is an evil figure that pops up at Christmas. Supposedly. I’m embodying Scrooge and arguing he does not. At least, not anymore…

Originating in Germanic folklore and possibly involved in the Winter Solstice, Krampus has been the subject of several stories. My personal favourite is Krampus joining Saint Nicholas on the evening of December 5th (Krampusnacht) and beating children with sticks and branches. The nice children will wake on the 6th with a gift from Saint Nicholas. The nasty children (I’m assuming Krampus decides which children these are), wake up to bruises. Charming.

Krampus has even been the subject of festive horror movies, including the eponymous Krampus (2015) starring Toni Collette. It’s an exceptional movie, but it does NOT prove the existence of Krampus.

One of the stories about him is so extreme that it proves Krampus does not exist, namely that Krampus eats or takes the bad children to Hell. Considering the percentage of parents waking up to missing children is so low, Krampus can’t have swallowed their children during the night. I reckon the world would be a much more stressful place if we had to be wary of Krampus each year.

You’d need a strong imagination to believe in his appearance. Some versions of Krampus are of an anthropomorphic figure with horns, a lolling tongue, ferocious fangs, and cloven hooves. Rumour has it, he carries a sack; unlike Santa’s sack of presents, Krampus’ basket is to take away evil children. How does he pick up the children? Logistically, if he has hooves, how would it work? Wouldn’t his fangs tear them apart before they go into his bag? How would it work if he doesn't have opposable thumbs?

Perhaps, Krampus is just a story aimed to improve children’s behaviour. Some negative reinforcement to balance out the positive reinforcement of presents. But…what material is the sack? How does Krampus decide who the naughty children are? I need answers!

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