Diary of a Double Denim Drama Queen

Jack Parker takes us through his antics as NUSU’s biggest socialite

Jack Parker
2nd November 2015

I feel nervous, I’m in Mensbar, stood around with a bunch of strangers. Joining new societies is fun, but not so fun when you don’t know anyone. Hey, even social butterflies get shy from time to time, and anyway, strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet, right? Anyway, I’m in the right society for me, the Cocktail Society, or CockSoc, as they so delightfully put it. Right, let’s get down to Revs and consume copious amounts of cheap cocktails. Down at Revs I scout out the free shots, and gladly take one, hope this isn’t disgusting. Shit. I’ve only gone and downed the chilli one, this is doing nothing for my sore throat! My gums are burning, my mouth is reminiscent of the fires of hell right now, someone better call 999, summon the fire brigade and tell them to point their hose in the direction of my gob, and quick. I successfully take on two Long Island Ice Teas and win, despite their sheer alcohol content, I seem to feel fine. From Revs, the night takes a turn for the worse as we bop across the road to Bijoux, I’m only here for the £1 Jaegerbomb, nothing else. I last darkened Bijoux’s doors in first year, it was a barren place, serving cheap ‘vodka’ drinks, with chart bangers blasting out. It’s almost as though they don’t want you to drink there, have you seen when they show the cast of Geordie Shore having a night out in Bijoux?

“The night takes a turn for the worst as we head to Bijoux, I’m here for the £1 Jaegerbomb, nothing else”

I say my goodbyes and slink on up to Sinners, I’d organised a social for The Courier, TCTV and NSR, and as their Social Sec and all-round good times guy, I figured I should probably show my face at my own social. I enter Sinners, knowing that it’s full of people I know, and make an entry only I could make, I burst through the door- assume the crouching starfish position and shout ‘IT’S ME BITCHES’. One does love to make an entrance, immediately, I have people coming up to me saying my name - don’t they know that I’ve already learnt what I’m called? I look across the dance floor, and bloody hell, it’s only Sophie Bloody Ahmed! I scream her name and run up to her, tonight, I’m making a new star, and make a beeline with the rest of my friends to the Sinners cage, every Newcastle student’s spiritual home. By god, we rocked that cage, all with the help of some Sinners trebles. Inhibitions LOST.

An accurate representation of me in Sinners

An accurate representation of me in Sinners

Sinners was great, but now we have to get on down to MSA, to dance to some delicious disco beats. I was made for this, though I can’t remember dancing that much, we just sort of mooched about, soaking the atmosphere up. At about two, me and my friend leave, and decide to walk around town for a bit ‘because people watching at this time of day is fascinating’, apparently. We wind up in a Bigg Market chippy, with cheesy chips in hand, what a fabulous end to a wonderful night. I can’t wait to do it all again, well, one must, one’s public can’t be kept waiting!

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