Fake it till you make it: how to be your most confident self.

Confidence in girls can often be seen as a bad thing, but by working on our own self-growth and resisting the temptation to compare ourselves to others, we can all become the best versions of ourselves.

Imogen Clarke
1st November 2021
Image from negativespace.co taken by Kristin Hardwick
From freshers to final year, all of us have trouble with confidence from time to time. In fact, many of us fear coming across as too confident, and being judged for it. Confident women especially are labelled as bossy, conceited or mouthy. Yet confidence is celebrated in men; they are entrepreneurial, outspoken, and upfront. We all know there’s a difference between the celebratory “he’s confident” and the judgemental “oh she’s a bit confident”. This societal “confidence gap” aside, we all have those days when we feel insecure and deflated. But how can we stop this becoming a daily occurrence?

We all know there’s a difference between the celebratory “he’s confident” and the judgemental “oh she’s a bit confident

In my opinion, the answer really is "fake it till you make it" when it comes to confidence. Walk into a room with your shoulders back, acting like your most confident self, and eventually, you won’t have to act anymore. True change on the inside can be a bit tricky, and it does take time. Ultimately, confident people don’t compare themselves to others. So next time you catch yourself doing that, give yourself a slap (well, not actually, but at least a good talking to!). It sounds cringey, but compare yourself to where you were this time last year, rather than to your friend who just got a great job, or your coursemate, who’s really ahead with their dissertation, and probably lying about it. 

Walk into a room with your shoulders back, acting like your most confident self, and eventually, you won’t have to act anymore.

The annoying thing about confidence is that it comes with time. Ask any final year student and they’ll tell you. First year students, that seminar you hate talking in will become your favourite part of your degree by third year! (The secret is to act like you know what you’re talking about, and people think you do!). In a few years, presenting ideas in front of people will seem so easy. It sounds unattainable, but really it isn’t with a bit of practise. There’s no quick fix to confidence - frustrating, isn’t it? But confidence looks different in everyone (I’m back to comparing again!), so being your most confident self really is what it’s all about. In reality, that really confident person you want to be like might not actually be that confident at all! So work on your self-growth, and stop trying to jump onboard other people’s.

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