Find your jam, man

From the sweaty crush of oversexed bodies in Tiger Tiger, to the head-bobbing hipster haven of The Cut, Miranda Stoner reveals the way to make sure you feel them good vibrations

2nd November 2015

Have you ever found yourself out one night in a strange place wondering why you’re the only one not wearing a white t-shirt and jeans? Or why you’re the only one not sporting that haircut? Newcastle’s nightlife is nationally recognised as one of the best but with so much choice how do you know where you fit in?  Don’t sweat it, here’s the breakdown of how to find your tribe.

  1. For the Hipsters looking to find the ‘real’ music you pine after when listening to the main stream noise on a night out, the best clubs to be in are either Think Tank on a Rebel Thursday or The Cut on Wednesdays or Fridays. They’re the only place where your vintage-inspired wide frame glasses will steam up on impact of entrance and no one will be able to take their eyes off your t-shirt and tie combination, for all the right reasons. You can wear your Grandad’s clothes, and feel incredible because everybody else will be dressed in their charity shop classics too, (or the faux retro from Topshop at the very least, darling). Be prepared for lots of air kissing and too-cool-for-school head bobbing. You won’t even feel like you’ve left your flat as you trip over beer bottles whilst dancing audaciously to generations of indie classics.

“No one will be able to take their eyes off your t-shirt and tie combination for all the right reasons”

  2. For those on the pull the classic spot is of course Tiger Tiger with 3 floors and 5 rooms you can scout out the hottest specimen then pounce and following rejection move shamelessly into the next room to try again. Tiger Wednesdays are prime time to watch the desperate ‘moves’ of grinding clubgoers, attempting to pull the generic assortment of zoo animals/members of girl bands/unidentifiable fancy dressed individuals that populate the club. Moreover it’s not too far from most university accommodation so if you do get lucky they probably won’t have sobered up and had to reconsider that they might have to do the walk of shame dressed fancy dress and all by the time you get home.

  3. For the hard core partyer after a good Sunday catch up on sleep and the latest Netflix series it’s time to hit Digi hard on a Monday, for a night that you will definitely regret the next morning in lectures- that is if you make it in, you might still be out on the streets searching for your house key or desperately calling the bank in the hope that they will understand you having blown the whole student loan on trebles. Or else, give yourself the weekend to recover and hit up an event at Cosmic Ballroom or World Head Quarters for a long night of sweaty, grimy music and a disregard for personal space. Never boring and always an exhilarating buzz of a rave, these venues aren’t for the faint-hearted or for the easily shocked.

   4. For the extras from Made in Chelsea I know it’s sad that there wasn’t a spot for you on the show but that doesn’t mean you can’t still don your classy tight dress and high heels and drink cocktails from a plastic cup in Tup Tup Palace. It does sound ever so glamorous, though I sure hope that isn’t high street apparel I can see. Dust off the fake Kurt Geigers and gussy up to come here. Maybe you’ll even see a few ‘famous’ faces from Geordie Shore lurking in the VIP area. On second thoughts maybe it’s a good thing the camera crew aren’t here!

“Flares is the place to go if you want to dance under the beautiful fractured light of a disco ball... reliving your school disco fantasies ”

   5.  For those who don’t want to grow up remember the good old year 7 disco days listening to music your parents approved with the occasional Shakira track for good measure. Flares is the place to go if you want to dance under the beautiful fractured light of a silver disco ball, getting drunk off the atmosphere and your favourite flavour of WKD (erm the blue one, just saying) and reliving your 11 year old school disco fantasies. Here you don’t even have to pretend that you don’t know all the words to One Direction’s first album. You can crack out the synchronised 90s girl band dancing without fear of reproach or intimidation. And if you know all the words to Rick Asteley’s Never Going to Give You Up you’re a hero, a legend amongst humankind as opposed to a loser. After all you’re out past your bed time drinking alcohol

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