Getting under someone to get over them

Why getting under someone to get over someone may not always be the answer

Imogen Mole
21st March 2022
Image :Pixabay BiancaVanDijk
Post- break up hook-ups can be a great thing to get you back into the dating world, experience the single life or to get to know yourself outside of a long-term relationship, but sometimes they're not always the way forward.

I think it's important to note that there's no one way to get over someone. All relationships are completely individualistic, which means so are break-ups and the way people heal, so prescribing a quick get off in the club with a sexy stranger will probably not do the trick for everyone.

Some people may want to immediately head out and grab the first person they can get find, some, as I did, may want to take some time away from it all to heal first, or some may want to declare celibacy for a long long time to take the time to be alone for a while, and so be it, everyone’s heart is different and everyone heals differently.

Seeing people that aren’t right for you whilst depending on them to make you feel wanted intensifies the emotions you didn't want to feel in the first place.

However, I think where it does get difficult is when hook-ups become a distraction from loneliness. When a relationship ends, whether it was a good one or not, there is undoubtedly a gap left where that person used to occupy, so naturally after a break-up it can be so tempting to try and find a new puzzle piece to immediately fill it, however, the issue with this is you become so focused on the need to fill the space and hold off emotions that you don’t get a real chance to get to know them, so they're likely going to be the wrong piece, and so seeing people that aren’t right for you whilst depending on them to make you feel wanted intensifies the emotions you didn't want to feel in the first place.

Do whatever you need to do, just make sure that part of you that they used to occupy that now feels empty, is filled with good friends, plenty of ice cream, hugs with your housemates and days out on your own before you decide to let someone else in.


So maybe you’re reading this finding yourself newly single with a gaping hole in your heart, or maybe you have been single a long time but you just can’t forget that one person. There’s truly no one way to get over someone and there’s really no right or wrong answer. Do whatever you need to do, just make sure that part of you that they used to occupy that now feels empty, is filled with good friends, plenty of ice cream, hugs with your housemates and days out on your own before you decide to let someone else in. Remember you can make yourself whole better than anyone else ever could.

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