How coming out has influenced the way I interact with my loved ones

One of our writers explores the effects of coming out on their personal relationships.

Castor Chan
1st March 2023
I’m bisexual, and honestly, that felt easy enough to write. Why am I less afraid of publicly publishing this fact about me, this fraction of who I am, than I was by telling my own parents?

I came out to my parents through a Christmas gift I sent them last year. This present was made up of a series of letters to each of them, and in just one of those to my dad, I wrote to him - plus a note saying that he could tell my mum - that I was bi. The 10-15 business days that it took for the letters to send was one of the most stressful fortnights of my life, but I think it felt easier in the sense that I didn’t have to verbally say it, and I couldn’t back out either. 

My parents didn’t make a fuss about my sexuality, apart from a couple of casual conversations with my mum over video call. I think one reason I was so worried was that while my parents have always been supportive of me, I watched them tell my brother it was alright to have whatever sexuality, but I didn’t get much of that same conversation. And as well meant as that was for my brother, I got worried because I wasn’t personally reassured the same. 

I had nothing to worry about, and my relationship with them remains the same if not with more trust.

Was I treated like that because my parents thought I was more emotionally mature, or did they just think I would be straight? Well whatever the reason, I had nothing to worry about, and my relationship with them remains the same if not with more trust. However, I’ve not told the rest of my family as I’m still scared. My personal philosophy about that is until it comes to it and I’m bringing a girlfriend home, I’m probably not gonna say anything. Even though that still worries me, I know my close family and friends are there for me whatever the result is. 

Despite being in a straight-passing relationship, my partner is still comfortable with and accepting of my sexuality, and that’s all I can ask for.

As for my friends, most of them know, and if I’ve not told them, my flat has a massive bi flag in the living room, so they’ll know if they get an invite over. My boyfriend is well aware, and we share a mutual crush on Lily James. Despite being in a straight-passing relationship, my partner is still comfortable with and accepting of my sexuality, and that’s all I can ask for. In terms of my friendships, how I label my sexuality does not really affect any facet of my relationships, perhaps with the exception of extra jokes. I’m as comfortable around them as I am with those who aren’t, and honestly, if you have real friends, that’s how it should be. 

Coming out has only been a positive experience for me as I know that there is nothing I need to be afraid of when I’m surrounded my people who care for me. And while this experience is different for everyone, just know that there will always be someone willing to support you.

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