How my relationship with myself has changed?

One person speaks of how their relationship with themselves has recently changed

Katie Siddall
29th May 2022
Image credits: pixabay
Since moving to Newcastle, since moving to university my life has drastically changed - in such a tremendously good way! My relationship with myself, due to this, has also changed too.

Throughout my university life, I have allowed myself to accept who I am more than I ever could have imagined: I am in a loving relationship, I am surrounded by those who care for me and I care for them, I am excited to go onto campus and I am making the best memories of my life.

All these things I never thought possible and, as I have just said, it is because I've allowed myself to accept who I am. Throughout the pandemic, I have been able to realise who my close friends are, who are fake and who genuinely care. I lost many 'friends' but it is those who stayed by me that helped the growth of the relationship with myself.

I was wondering whether I was that annoying friend or whether people would prefer me to be quieter (this I still think but I've got to the thought of 'sod it'), more chill and like them. Though I cannot say these thoughts have ever gone away, they have subsided and quietened down.

Those around you definitely input more than you originally think. With my secondary school 'friends' I know realise that I thought about my appearance and my personality too much. I wanted to stop being that Harry Potter fangirl, who reads Percy Jackson and wishes she was in a school with vampires but... that's not me.

My real friends never made me feel like this, they would talk to me about this stuff and fangirl with me. Even at university, those I've made friends with do this with me! Don't get me wrong though, I realise not everyone has my interests but it doesn't mean they have to make me feel crap about my life choices. Being in my second year at university, I've finally made the realisation that I can still be that geek, that nerd - why else would I carry a bright yellow Beauty and the Beast bag around campus with me?

I learnt too late that I just need to be myself and not feel ashamed of who I was. It can be because of those around you. Throughout my life, I've realised it is those around me. One good instance of this, is my sexuality.

Before university, only a few selected people (friends - not family!) knew I was bisexual and now I've finally been able to write about it openly in our very own newspaper, with my own name on, for people, for strangers(!) to read. It would not have been possible without all those close to me.

Making friends at university is tough, especially through a pandemic, but once you find those close to you... you know. Something in you clicks and you feel yourself, you feel welcome and you feel free.

There was a point where I hated myself but, what's the point in hating yourself? You can only be you! Enjoy who you are, if your friends make you feel like shit, then maybe they aren't your true friends.

I now feel like I can achieve anything because I've accepted who I am and that relationship with myself did not change overnight. I am still that Harry Potter fangirl, who reads Percy Jackson and wishes she was in a school with vampires. However, I am that Harry Potter fangirl, who reads Percy Jackson and wishes she was in a school with vampires who isn't hiding these things - though you can now add Heartstopper and Ozark to that list.

I feel confident in myself. I love all of those around me. I feel like myself, for the first time in my whole life.

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