How to bond with new flatmates

Rebecca shares some top tips to overcome the daunting experience of meeting new flatmates

Rebecca Wright
19th September 2023
Image credit @friends on Instagram
Whether you’re moving to uni for the first time or you’re just moving in with some new people, the prospect of having to ‘bond’ with your new flatmates can be daunting, even if you aren’t particularly shy or introverted. For better or worse, your flatmates are sure to shape your uni experience in one way or another! It can be difficult making this transition, but these are a few tips that have certainly helped ease it for me.

1. The first week counts

It is so much easier to build any kind of relationship with someone when you first meet them. And, as much as I hate to say it, first impressions do matter. Personally, I’ve found that it’s much easier to break the ice in the first week of meeting someone new, than further down the line. This doesn’t have to feel artificial and procedural -  it can be something as simple as spending more time in communal areas and getting used to each other’s presence, organising a group night out, or even just leaving your door open so people know you’re open to talking to them!

It’s much easier to break the ice in the first week of meeting someone new, than further down the line

2. Confidence is key

For whatever reason, a lot of people doubt that they are even worth getting to know, or that they possess any quality that is interesting to other people, and don’t bother being open to others. Now is the time to throw that doubt to the wind, and just go for it. You are cool enough,  smart enough, and interesting enough to be anyone’s friend you’d like. If you don’t believe me, you’re welcome to prove me wrong, but you might just surprise yourself. That familiarity we crave with the people we live with can only be cultivated through frequent exposure. In other words, you’re probably going to have to speak to them for the silence to ever feel comfortable.

You are cool enough,  smart enough and interesting enough to be anyone’s friend you’d like.

3. It doesn’t matter anyway

Oftentimes, and especially in your uni years, there’s this pressure to find your ‘forever’ people in the first few weeks of being there. You may very well do this, but it isn’t necessarily the norm. It’s crazy, really, to expect to connect so well with people that you’ve been randomly allocated with. This creates a lot of pressure and jealousy around your relationships with others, because you might be wondering “why doesn’t this feel like that?” or “what am I doing wrong?” Putting this unnatural pressure on the relationships you make with others will make them feel just that, unnatural. Instead, try to appreciate the people you live with for what they are, not what you’re trying to make them. And if you’re still waiting to find your ‘forever’ friends – they’re out there, I promise!

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