Hyper-independence is often a trauma response; it may develop as a coping mechanism to deal with other personal problems. Taking on all responsibility for yourself and having no reliance on others can give you a sense of control over your life, and can be a reassurance that you are a strong and capable person. On the surface, this appears to be a good thing - most of us look on with admiration at people we think have their lives organised and put together. The reality is that having this level of control over your life can be used to suppress and invalidate the problems in your life.
Hyper-independence is often a trauma response; it may develop as a coping mechanism to deal with other personal problems.
So when does independence become hyper-independence? To be independent is an exciting thing: you learn a lot about how to take care of yourself and you also have the freedom to decide how to live your life. But it doesn’t mean that you don’t need any support at all, whether it be from friends, family or professionals. As humans, we are always looking for connection with others, to live enjoyable and meaningful lives. Throughout our whole lives as independent adults, we will rely on each other, whether it be emotional support, advice when making decisions, or even help with mundane daily tasks.
As humans, we are always looking for connection with others, to live enjoyable and meaningful lives. Throughout our whole lives as independent adults, we will rely on each other.
A hyper-independent person may be closed off when it comes to talking about personal problems with friends or professionals, believing that they can deal with it themselves and to admit they need support from someone else would show weakness. They would be confronted with the reality that problems exist in their life, and this is a scary thing. I think it’s very common for people to be reluctant to reach out for help when they really need it. There is still stigma attached to therapy, despite becoming a much more openly talked about topic. As with any mental health issue, the most change can be made when you actively acknowledge your problems yourself and make decisions to confront them. The same is relevant in the context of hyper-independence.
It’s very common for people to be reluctant to reach out for help when they really need it.
It’s a good idea to be aware of your mindset, to question yourself about your lifestyle and habits, and to recognise where you might need emotional support in some way. For many students, living at uni is the first time experiencing this level of independence - and where some may struggle, some may thrive, and some may take it to an extreme. My advice is to be self-aware and to be open-minded.
