So, I'm sat upstairs in Digital with The Big Moon before their Think Tank gig. What you're about to read is the terrifying thought processes of 5 lunatics being allowed to run wild with their imagination in the name of journalism.
So I’m speaking to you all on April Fools, what’s the best April Fools Day prank you’ve ever pulled?
Soph- We had so many in School, I can’t remember them.
Juliette: Didn’t you say that someone once told you that there were loads of cute baby penguins escaped in a park.
S: Yeah, my best friend Luce told me that the penguins had escaped from London Zoo and that she was running around the park trying to catch them. So I was like “Oh my God! I’m coming!” and then obviously it wasn’t true. That was a good one.
Celia- That was a good one! Everytime I hear it, it makes me said because I can’t go out and run after penguins in the park.
S- It’s also good because they might be scared by the freedom.
J- Vant did a good one today saying that they were supporting the Proclaimers but I don’t think that’s an April Fools because I love the Proclaimers. ‘Over and Done With’ is one of my favourite songs. At first I was like “Awww man, great! They’re supporting The Proclaimers! The Proclaimers are having a comeback tour!”
I’m glad you mentioned Vant because Mattie happens to be an old personal friend of mine.
C: An “old personal friend” you say?
For want of a better word but yeah. I know you were on tour with him last year. I want to know every filthy detail. Gimme all the embarrassing stories.
J- There actually aren’t any embarrassing stories. It was such a nice tour. It was really nice because you think on one of those sorts of bills there’s always a sense of one-upmanship but it was a lovely, supportive tour with two great bands.
C- Yeah, but there must be some dirt.
S- Yeah, what did he do?
Did he wet himself or anything like that?
C- He didn’t wet himself?
J- Actually, on stage when he’d washed his hair, or at least I reckon he’d washed his hair, he got really sweaty on stage and his hair got really big and funny.
That’s like old school Mattie though. His hair was always huge. Do you guys now the word ‘wass’?
J- Ermm… no…
It’s a proper Sunderland word. If something’s wass it’s huge. You’d say “Mattie’s got wass hair”!
J- It’s a good word. I’m going to use it.
S- My hair goes pretty wass sometimes.
C- He does have good hair though.
J- It’s gorgeous.
He was always on trend though. I remember he was the first boy in Sunderland to have one side of his head shaved. It was like a cross between Rihanna and Win Butler.
S- Good combo.
C- My two style icons. Goddam it, Mattie!
Jules actually mooned someone today!
So, you’re called The Big Moon. Have you ever collectively mooned someone?
C- Jules actually mooned someone today!
J- I mooned on the radio. It was silent but powerful. I hadn’t actually mooned someone in a very long time and I found it quite empowering. Just to show the top half of my bum to someone I’d never met.
C- We were recording a show for Amazing Radio and we were doing it in a studio where the guy that was on air at the time usually uses, so when we got out we heard he was saying like “Oh, The Big Moon are in! Stealing my studio! I’m gonna moon them!” Jules was like…
S- “Come at me!”
C- And she just ran in and mooned him through the divider glass thing.
S- And I was in the loo and they were playing the radio live and he was like “The Big Moon just mooned me!” and I was like “It happened, yaaay!”
J- It wasn’t a full moon. It was a half-moon because I couldn’t pull my skirt down. Technical difficulties.
Sounds a bit like the Jaffa Cake advert. Your video for ‘Nothing Without You’ features some questionable gymnastics.
S- Errrr what’s questionable about it?
C- Questionably awesoooome.
You could say that. On that topic though, do you have any memories about Gymnastics or PE from school?
J- I know I was very very bad at it. I could never climb the ropes.
Fern- I really enjoyed those.
S- I liked that
C- I enjoyed climbing the ropes.
J- And I was always to scared to jump on the vault thing. I remember there was a long queue of the whole class and everyone took their turn and then when it got to me I just stopped and turned around to the teacher and said “I can’t do it! It’s massive!”
See I was a chubby dyspraxic youth. Because I wasn’t good at rugby they thought “I know, let’s make him do gymnastics and contort his body more” which was not a good idea.
He was wearing a little red bow tie and he had suspenders and he was wearing little red knee socks and we just made eye contact and started snogging.
But anyway! Moving on to slightly more serious questions. Your live Madonna cover, which is amazing by the way…
All- Aww, thank you!
…how did that come about?
F- Jules’ brain.
J- I wanted to do a cover of ‘Beautiful Stranger’ because I fell in love with a stranger.
C- And he’s beautiful.
J- He is beautiful! I was at a festival a couple of years ago and was walking through the woods in the middle of the night and this guy was walking towards me through the woods in the middle of the night and he was dressed like a postman.
All- I know!
J- Just imagine. He was wearing a little red bow tie and he had suspenders and he was wearing little red knee socks and we just made eye contact and started snogging.
S- And they’ve been together ever since.
J- He’s still my boyfriend. He’s totally my guy!
So you supported The Vaccines, Ezra Furman and The Maccabees on their tours, how was that?
C- It was amazing. The Vaccines was the first huge tour that we’ve ever done and it’s so soon to be doing a tour that big. It was massive arenas. Full-on crews, lights, catering and the whole she-bang.
S- The dinners were great!
All- Oooh yeah!
S- My dad was telling someone about the tour and he was like “Yeah they’ve played a few gigs but they got an amazing dinner the other night!” It’s funny that that’s the thing he’s telling everyone.
C- Not the fact that you played Brixton Academy but the fact you got a good meal.
The Vaccines and The Maccabees were pretty big when we were growing up, was it weird playing with them?
C- The Maccabees especially.
F- Watching them for the first time was like really nostalgic cos they’re just such a good band.
C- Their fans are just so great and loyal. When we saw them at The Albert Hall in Manchester, and they played ‘Precious Time’, they lit up the venue and everyone was just yelling it back at them I just burst into tears.
I personally burst into tears when I see Orlando.
J- We went to the cinema with him.
C- Soph’s friend asked her “How’s the tour going?” and Soph just texted her back saying “Great, just going to the cinema with The Maccabees” and she was like “that sounds like a dream”.
People say Hull is shit but it’s not.
So what about this tour? How’s this tour been so far?
J- Amazing. We’ve only done two shows but last night we played in Hull for the first time ever.
I’ve never been to Hull.
J- It’s really great!
I’ve heard people say otherwise.
J- Okay, this is on the record! People say Hull is shit but it’s not. It’s great!
F- There was a massive pit.
J- There were so many people on stage that I found myself pinned up against the back wall and I was just like “ermm what am I doing now?”
S- People took their shirts off and threw them at us.
Like Tom Jones and the knickers.
C- I got a hat.
F- Yeah you got a hat on the end of your bass.
J- It was just like being in The Beatles.
S- They all seem so hyped there and excited to hear new bands! They’re just ready to jump around and start dancing.
J- And there was these guys there, who I think put in gigs there, who’d brought all their mates down and they said they’d seen us 4 times but in loads of different cities. They were like “Oh we’ve seen you at Peace in Sheffield. We saw you with Mac DeMarco in Manchester. We saw you on that Vant and INHEAVEN tour in Leeds”. I was like “you guys are so into music that you’ll just go wherever to see someone”. It’s so exciting to play to people who really give a shit about music.
Did you just say you’d supported Mac DeMarco?!
C- Yeah we supported him in Manchester.
Is he as nuts in real life as he seems?
J- Yeah, but he’s actually really nice. We all went out with him afterwards.
S- He’s a very lovely, nice, polite guy.
I’m in love with him but I don’t know why.
S- Everyone is.
C- We came off stage and he was just standing there and he was like “Hey, I’m Mac! That was a really great show!” And we all melted. We were like “Oh my God!”
C- He’s super charismatic.
J- He’s the sort of person who walks into the room and you’re like “Ooh, what are you going to say?” or “I’ll go where you’re going”. We all went and did Karaoke with him afterwards and that was really fun. I was dead the next day though. Me and Fern did Westlife. I didn’t know any of the verses so she just shouted at me “Just sing!”
Do you have a go-to Karaoke song?
C- ‘Kiss From a Rose’ by Seal
Right, I’ve got this theory that ‘Kiss From a Rose’ is the song that plays when you die.
C- Erm… Oh! As in when you die! Not what they play at your funeral?
Yeah. Like when the end-credits music of your life come on, Seal’s playing.
J- Apparently your ears are the last thing that stops working when you’re dying.
That’s because of Seal. You need to hear Seal before you go.
C- It’s just science, Jules. It’s just science.
J- Last time I did karaoke I did (sings) “That don’t impress-a me much ah- ah-aha” but someone else did the Wheatus song
F- Teenage Dirtbag
J- Next time I do karaoke I’m gonna do that cos it was really cool when they did it.
S- ‘Unbreak My Heart’. I always do it with my friend Lucy, the “penguin girl”. We’ve not done it in a while but when we do we’re going to blow the roof off.
F- Probably Westlife and ‘Flying Without Wings’. It’s everlasting. It’s never gonna die.
What’s happening after the tour?
J- We’re going to France for some shows. Then we’re playing a load of festivals.
S- We’re demoing a load of songs and trying to figure out what’s going to go on our album.
J- Writing... recording…
C- We really need to record that album.
Well a lot of people are waiting on it…
J- and we’ve actually signed a record deal now so we definitely have to do that!
C- It’s official! It’s an official thing to do that.
J- If we don’t do it we’re gonna owe someone a lot of money…
S- Summer looks fun. We’re playing some really nice festivals.
Sounds great. Would you rather be made out of wood or clay?
J- Cos clay gets stuck under your fingernails and feels really horrible.
C- Soft clay or fired clay?
J- And if you were clay you’d be smashable.
S- And if you were wet unfired clay you could melt a bit?
J- You could also remould yourself into better and more beautiful versions of you.
C- Or it could be like a superpower so if you needed to fit through a gap or disguise yourself you could do it. Actually, yeah. Maybe clay then but being made of wood is cooler.
S- But what could you do with that?
You could give someone a splinter if you didn’t like them.
C- People could light their cigarettes off you.
S- You mean, so people could do a (mimes striking a match) tchk!
Pluto would be a crap boyfriend
I was imagining you setting yourself on fire and I was like that’s surely going to be painful. Going back to the moon theme, as it’s in your name. If you could go out with any celestial body, which one would it be?
S- Pluto, cos I feel bad for him.
C- I was gonna say Pluto because he seems quite cold.
J- Yeah, but Pluto would be a crap boyfriend.
C- Saturn’s the best looking.
J- I imagine Pluto would be a bit sappy.
S- But maybe Pluto just needs some love in his life.
J- What about Jupiter? He’s the big guy. He’d protect you.
He might be a bit too hench.
F- Saturn because there’s a ring on it (to a collective cheer).
C- I think Neptune’s cool but not too showy offy.
J- Shit, what about the sun?
C- The sun’s a bit much. I don’t think you could handle it.
The sun would be going out with someone like Ryan Gosling. Someone a bit too good.
C- You saying we couldn’t get Ryan Gosling?!
C- You saying we’re out of the sun’s league?!
Not at all!
C- Is that what you’re saying, Jamie?!
What type of bread am I?
No definitely not. You’re misrepresenting my words. I’m the journalist. This should be the other way around! Anyhow! If you were made of bread and you found yourself stranded on a desert island with no food, would you let yourself starve to death or would you eat little bits of yourself until you were just a slice of bread with a face on it? However, to sweeten the deal, there is Nutella hidden somewhere in the island.
J- Oh my God, definitely the latter.
S- Can I walk as a breadpiece?
F- What type of bread am I?
S- Cos I’d need the legs to walk around and find the Nutella.
C- I think you’re a whole person made out of bread.
S- So I’m a human bread.
You’re like a gingerbread man but bread and it can be any bread you want.
S- I thought you were going to say what kind of bread we were.
J- Actually, I think I might just walk into the sea and go mushy and disappear.
S- That’s so sad.
J- But wet bread is amazing.
F- But that’s just easier innit?
J- I’d also be afraid of birds pecking. I know this is a “would you rather” question so we have to pick one.
C- I’d eat myself.
J- I’d eat myself.
S- Yeah, I’d eat myself but can I still walk around and look for Nutella?
I don’t see why not
F- Will I feel anything when I’m eating myself?
F- See it’s just another question and then another question.
J- Does bread have a soul…?
White bread definitely doesn’t have a soul.
J- It all depends how much you knead into it.
S- What happens to my face once I’ve ate the rest of myself? Does someone come and save me or do I just lie on the beach?
C- I think you’d just die there.
To be fair we were in Amsterdam when we came up with this question. It’s not been thought out completely.
C- There are a lot of holes in this story.
There are a lot of holes. I’ll admit that. Thanks for humouring me today. I’ve had a blast.