Interview with Chair of Scrutiny candidate Seat Von Scrutiny

Joe Molander talks to the chair candidate for Chair of Scrutiny

Joe Molander
29th October 2020
Image: Seat Von Scrutiny
In one of two interviews with candidates for the Chair of Scrutiny role, Seat Von Scrutiny talks to The Courier over the phone. Von Scrutiny called on a blocked number, and put on an Irish accent for the entire interview. He also uses the phrase “façade of democracy”.

Why do you feel compelled to run for Chair of Scrutiny?

I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what the position was. I still don’t know. I just thought with my name it would a shame not to. The other thing was I thought this was a paid position. In the words of a very, very famous rapper, I played myself. I don’t actually wanna do this.

Are you going to drop out of the race?

Absolutely not. The Von Scrutiny clan goes back thousands of years, and the one thing we’ve never done is quit.

Do you come from a political family, like the Kennedys, or the Borgias?

Kind of, but I prefer if we didn’t go into that.

If you were to get the position, what would you change?

Absolutely nothing. I have no delusions of grandeur. The position, from what I understand – because once again, I don’t actually know what it is – holds so little power I don’t think I’d be able to do anything. A lot of people are angry at the Students’ Union (SU) from what I understand, and a lot of people promise big change and things never actually change. I want to give an alternative to what I see as false promises.

Why do you think people are angry at the Students’ Union?

I think it’s a few things. People don’t feel represented by the SU. They don’t feel like the people in the SU have their best interests at heart.

The Sabbatical Officers have talked about having to spend time gathering evidence before taking action, and about the abuse directed to them on Newfess. Do you think these are valid concerns?

I don’t blame the Sabbatical Officers. I think they go in with good intentions, and then once they’re there they realise they don’t actually have the power to do what they want to do. A lot of their good intentions get stifled. It almost feels like a façade of democracy, if that makes sense.

Let’s talk about what you would do to improve the representation of chairs. Do you think they’re unrepresented in the Union currently?

Absolutely. This is a real, real issue with me. Representation for my community is first and foremost what I stand for.

Would you say the SU is human-centric?

I wouldn’t go that far. I’ve been in the SU one or two times, and I have seen a lot of chairs there. I just don’t think they’re on an equal footing, if that makes sense.

Could you tell us about the times you went into the SU?

I have a handler, Vanessa, who’ll take me into the SU and walk around. I write down all the things I see.

How do you write stuff down?

Once again, it’s my handler Vanessa.

Do you think it’s appropriate to be running a joke campaign during this time?

I do take issue with the label of joke, but I think there’s always time to joke around. At the moment,  the country – not just the University – is so sad, understandably. With something like the Student Council, which has done close to nothing at my three years at university, it’s not harming the institution. I can’t see how the institution is supposed to work anyway.

Do you have anything you’d like to say to your competitor, Alexander Wang-Evans?

I want him to take this to heart: you can’t beat the seat. That’s all.

Stat Attack
CandidateSeat Von ScrutinyAlexander Wang-Evans
Height2' 11"5' 11"
Number of legs42
Hometown The B&Q in Seaton DelavalShrewsbury
Other candidates have put themselves forward for Chair of Scrutiny since this table was collated. The Courier assumes they are of a roughly similar height, with a similar number of legs, and come from a hometown.

The interview with Alexander Wang-Evans can be read here. Since this interview was conducted, Haaris Aytishaam Mahmood Qureshi has put himself forward for Chair of Scrutiny, who is interviewed here. Rachel Hart has also put herself forward, and is interview here.

Voting is now open, and closes at 2pm today.

Featured Image: Seat Von Scrutiny

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AUTHOR: Joe Molander
Head of Current Affairs and co-founder of The Toon Lampoon. Politics, interviews, satire and the Courier's leading authority on frosted tips. @JoeMolander on Twitter and full portfolio available on Muckrack.

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