I have friends who keep in touch with people online, and my sister, a serial video gamer, has many online friends. If I’m being honest with myself, I know that it is the fact I text back at a snail’s pace that prevents me from forming online friendships, but I do think social media is a great (and quick) way to find people with the same interests as you; you get to know people who you would otherwise have never met in real life.
Having said that, I do believe there is a danger when you exclusively make friends online. I’ve known people who have put more energy into their online friendships to the point where they completely distance themselves from their real life friends. You slowly detach yourself from the real world, becoming trapped in an online bubble. While it may feel like you are doing the best thing for yourself at first, you’re only making it harder for yourself when you have to eventually venture back outside.
You slowly detach yourself from the real world, becoming trapped in an online bubble...
I think the appeal with online friendships is that they are ultimately less effort. You can pick up where you left off, whenever you feel like, with your online community. Perhaps this is personal preference, but I find a friendship so much more enriching when you both go out of your way to be with each other in person; it’s a sort of confirmation to me that they do care about our friendship. I think there is a certain vulnerability with putting yourself in a position where you are physically present with someone, as people can use their screen as a safety net. For me, what makes friendships long-lasting are friends that you make memories with – you grow together with the more you experience together, and this is something that is harder to achieve online. Friendships that solely exist through social media are at risk of being ‘catch up’ friendships, where you simply update each other on your lives without experiencing life together.
Recently, I have come to learn about the term third place. Coined by sociologist Ray Oldenberg, a third place is a location that you go to regularly outside of your first place (home) and your second place (work/school). It tends to be a place where you can relax and interact with a community of people – such as the pub, Church, a park, the library, or a coffeeshop. The idea with your third place is that it is not a requirement to be there, but you go there out of your own choice – because you want to be there. However, in today’s society, whether they mean to or not, a lot of people are making the internet their third place. It can be easier to escape from the hardships of home and work life by diving back to the online persona and community you have created. However, your online third place will only do you more harm than good in the long run.
Your online third place will only do you more harm than good in the long run.
I do not doubt for a second that you can have deep and meaningful connections with people online. You don’t need to be face-to-face with someone to be able to have an open conversation and I think many beautiful friendships start online. No one should ever invalidate how you feel about your online friend. Nevertheless, don’t forget about your real life community in the process! It is important to nourish your real life friendships too and not get too lost in the online world – especially if it is your third place.