This is a complex issue that intersects themes of individuality and autonomy. On one hand, couples may feel a desire to influence each other's style, stemming from a place of love and the wish for mutual growth. On the other hand, attempting to change someone’s style can lead to feelings of resentment and a loss of identity.
How you present yourself is like dressing your soul, it is about who you are as an individual. Personal style is a multi-faceted expression of identity, encompassing not just fashion but also personal tastes, interests, and values. It is so intertwined with self-expression and can be deeply tied to self-esteem and how you wish to present yourself.
While these intentions may seem noble, they can often overshadow autonomy.
However, it is not uncommon to have preferences. According to the Daily Mail, two thirds of women have tried to change their partner’s appearance. Perhaps individuals may believe that a different style could enhance their loved one's confidence or ability to fit into a certain environment, or view their style as a reflection of the relationship itself. I believe there are two categories of people’s relationships to clothes: those who care and those who don’t. A lot of people find shopping for clothes to be a chore and may perhaps find relief from a partner helping them pick out their style. “I think you’d look great in this” vs “I hate your clothes” could be seen as developing confidence and offering advice when the occasion calls for it rather than being controlling.
While these intentions may seem noble, they can often overshadow autonomy, leading to a power imbalance in the relationship. You only have to do a quick search on TikTok to find an abundance of women successfully changing their boyfriend’s style from skinny jeans and joggers to what they consider attractive. Is the ‘girlfriend effect’ real, or is this just a DIY project to mould a partner into your idea of beauty? Controlling relationships are often manifested through manipulation, jealousy, and coercive behaviours. Research has shown that in the UK, around 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men experience some form of emotional or psychological abuse in relationships. Additionally, the Women's Equality Party highlighted that nearly one in five women have experienced some form of harassment related to their appearance. These statistics reflect how deeply ingrained societal norms can impact autonomy and self-expression.
In my opinion, while the desire to change a partner's style can come from genuine intentions, it is better to see style as an aspect of personal expression that evolves naturally within a loving relationship rather than as something to be changed. Ultimately, a successful relationship thrives on mutual respect and understanding, allowing couples to embrace their unique style while growing together.
