Is ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ a true statement?

A discussion of cheating and society's condemnation of non-monogamous relationships

Kate Benson
20th December 2021
Image: IMDb
I disagree with this statement. However, it could be true if someone is not willing to change, which a lot of people aren't.

I believe in the ability to change. I have changed a lot in the last year. People have to be able to change; changing opinions, changing behaviours, etc. Otherwise, there would not be change in the world. If I thought this statement was true, I would be contradicting this belief.

Cheating can also be called unethical non-monogamy. Your partner is not aware or not consenting to the non-monogamy. This is unlike ethical non-monogamy – where everyone involved is consenting and has good communication and boundaries. I highly recommend reading the Ethical Slut and following Ruby Rare on Instagram to learn more about this – whether you are wanting to be non-monogamous or not.

Many people would suit a non-monogamous relationship but don’t even consider this as an option due to society’s pressure on us to follow conventions

There could be many reasons for people cheating – I’m not an expert, I don’t know them all. I do know that we are all taught that we should be in monogamous relationships, and anything otherwise is outrageous. This is not the case. Many people would suit a non-monogamous relationship but don’t even consider this as an option due to society’s pressure on us to follow conventions.

I have changed my attitude towards relationships a lot recently. I always thought I would be monogamous. When I was in a relationship I didn’t even let myself find other people attractive, let alone even consider cheating. I felt guilty when I was twirled round by another guy while I was dancing (WHAT????). I had a very clear-cut attitude- if you love someone, how can you even possibly consider cheating? I believed in the 'once a cheater, always a cheater' mindset. Being cheated on a couple of years ago helped me to realise it’s not so simple.

I realise now you can love multiple people; it is society that has told us we should not. Being monogamous is completely valid, but it is important to think about why we are being monogamous – is it because it is right for us, or because we have been told to? This is NOT me encouraging cheating. Unethical non-monogamy is not good!

Even though I think people can change, this does not mean I am saying you should stay with someone who cheats on you. That is a personal decision and depends on many factors which I do not know. Value yourself and never stay in a relationship because you are worried you won’t find anyone else.

1) You will

2) You don’t need to.

Know your value, as Florence Given says YOU ARE THE LOVE OF YOUR OWN LIFE.

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