Is there such thing as healthy jealousy?

Jealousy, we’re told, is a monster. A sign of weakness. An ugly, green-eyed creature. And sure, it can be – jealousy itself is simply the natural human response to the fear of losing something important to someone else. We often associate jealousy with distrust, insecurity, or possessiveness – any kind of intense emotion that’s seen as inherently negative. But does it really need to be viewed this way?

Research has shown that infants as young as six months old can experience jealousy; it’s part of the human condition. Left unchecked, jealousy can evolve into something toxic, taking on a controlling or suspicious role to antagonise both partners. Despite this, jealousy, like most emotions, isn’t always black and white. It’s complex, and perhaps even has shades that could serve a relationship rather than tear it down.

The concept of “healthy jealousy” is a nuanced one. Rather than indulging it or suppressing it, healthy jealousy involves acknowledging the feeling without letting it spiral out of control. Research has revealed that a large portion of people - 79% of men and 66% of women in relationships - have experienced jealousy, so it’s not uncommon. The emotion doesn’t need to be seen as an obstacle; instead, it can act as a bridge to open up up honest conversations, deepen intimacy, and reinforce the trust that defines a healthy relationship.

That being said, jealousy does have boundaries. It can quickly become unhealthy when left unchecked, or if it becomes the default reaction to situations in the relationship. Whether it manifests as distrust, controlling behaviour, or constant suspicion, it’s crucial to notice when jealousy crosses the line into obsession. When jealousy starts dictating our actions, it can lead to behaviours that are more about control than connection - it can erode a relationship and become an emotional weight that both partners must carry.

For those of us learning to navigate jealousy, understanding when it's helping versus harming is essential. Jealousy doesn’t have to be the enemy; it can be a quiet reminder to show appreciation, renew your connection, and affirm your care for one another. In a balanced relationship, it isn’t a weakness – it’s a reflection of commitment and care. By breaking the endless cycle of anxiety around jealousy, it can be transformed from being a potential threat into another layer of honesty in our relationships. It can build walls, yes, but when handled with care, it can also build bridges.