Libidos in Limbo

Libidos are constantly in flux, worrying about it only adds stress!

Amelie Baker
13th February 2023
Are libidos prone to change? The short answer to this question is definitely YES! A fluctuating libido is an unavoidable part of everyone’s sex lives, something that is challenging to accept.

Indeed, the very concept of a ‘normal’ libido leads us to believe that fluctuations are abnormal. Unfortunately, that sense of the ‘norm’ is, of course, dictated by hetero-normative and patriarchal stereotypes which ignores the diversity and unique intimacy constituting each individual’s sex lives. ‘Normal’ should be what works for you, regardless of gender identity, sex or sex orientation, and not tied to the expectation stemming from what’s between your legs -  your libido, your ‘normal’.

Communicate and try not to place expectations on yourself

Even after confronting these societal expectations, anxieties over changes to libido (or having no libido at all) are not easily overcome. A lower libido can incite questions of whether I still see my partner sexually, if the relationship is failing, should we break up? Do not listen to these little voices! If anything, the increase in stress surrounding these anxieties only contributes to this change in libido. After all, external and psychological factors are the main things that influence libido levels, alongside hormones, which affects us all differently. The key thing, as always in relationships, is to communicate and try not to place expectations on yourself. You want to have sex when you want to have sex, and no amount of worry will change that.

Whether you find yourself wanting sex all the time, or not at all, it is okay to feel this way, and it is also okay to feel totally different about sex the next moment. The desire to do it can be elusive, or ever-present: you are just sliding one way or the other on that scale, from one extreme to the next, powered by hormones, and emotions, and all the rest of it. Indeed, fluctuations are the new ‘norm’.

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