Every young man has gone through the experience, the ‘lad’ conversation of discussing how many times you’ve had sex, how many women you’ve bedded, how fit they were. For me, it was as soon as I started high school. Me and my friends went from discussing Pokemon cards to discussing sexual conquests in the blink of an eye.
As a young boy I would lie, big myself up, say that I had slept with ‘this girl, but she’s from another school so you wouldn’t know her’. I did it as all my friends had informed me of their supposed sexual prowess, I wanted to fit in, to seem cool. It wasn’t until I was older when they informed me that they had lied as well, that they had the same anxieties and worries.
I remember people saying: “if you hadn’t slept with X many girls by your age then you’re such a loser!”, thinking it was the truth. Some rule that would doom me to loserdom for the rest of my life, obviously as a teenager something I didn’t want to be.
I would again find out that even those people were lying, so insecure in their experiences that they boosted their own ego by mocking others.
It’s an interesting conundrum in our society, if a woman sleeps around – she’s a slut, a sket, a whore. A man? Oh he’s a player, he’s a chad, he’s the man.
Where does this come from? Is it biological? Women are Intersexual, Men are Intrasexual. Women choose, men do the depositing. It makes sense in a way, a man who has attracted multiple mates must obviously possess characteristics making them sexually attractive and viable, therefore he must have some sort of higher social status.
But is that really how we value each other? For breeding purposes.
Women must be pretty and pure, men handsome and sexually active.
All I can say is that someone who boasts about their sexual conquests only reeks of insecurity, they want you to think they’re a player, they want you to think they’re cool. This ego boosting only makes them seem desperate for social approval, to not only have sex, but to be seen as someone who has sex all the time.
The pressure on young men to fulfil this social obligation is demoralising and has led to so many guys feeling less than because they failed to hit some sort of target by a certain age.
Society needs to re-evaluate they way it looks at sex in men and women if it wants to make any progress in gender relations and mental health.