My coming out story

One of our sports editors gives a heartfelt insight into their own coming out story

Katie Siddall
14th February 2022
Image: Pixabay
I will come clean to you all… I don’t actually have a coming out story. There was no “Mum, Dad – can we sit down and talk?” or a particular moment when I thought to myself “You know what, I am bisexual”. I think deep down, like many, I always knew I wasn’t straight.

I don’t even think I am bisexual if I’m being totally honest. I am attracted to men, women and everyone. My biggest crush at the moment is Ella Vaday from Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK – like look at her! Maybe I’m pansexual… maybe I’m just a queer Barnsley lass who doesn’t think she’s really a lass.

My head is a confused mess but I love who I am! I have never felt as though being bisexual, as this is the label I am currently using, defines who I am; however, I have had thoughts like “Does this person know I am not straight?” and “How do you insert something like this into a standard conversation?” For me, I haven’t found these answers – yet. Sometimes I shout it to the person I’m talking to “I am bisexual!” other times it’s more like… I would like to call it subtle… “Ooo, I quite find [insert actor/actress or randomer I know here] attractive/fit.”

Part of me doubts myself. Not who I am but about how I go about it. I don’t even know if my own family know, especially as I’ve had a long string of long-term boyfriends with a fling with a girl or two thrown in – or maybe a major crush that lasted a year but was never acted upon (I never said that – what?). Saying this, I don’t know if my best mates from school really know either.

People make the assumption I am straight as I currently have a boyfriend and this doesn't sit well with me

I do occasionally just shout into the conversation, at the most inappropriate time that I am bisexual and I might kick myself for it after but at least they know. Right? It's not a perfect world but people make the assumption I am straight as I currently have a boyfriend and this doesn't sit well with me. There is no reason for it to sit uncomfortably, maybe I do it to myself, but I never feel truly accepted until those around me know this fact.

Since starting university, properly – when we were allowed onto campus, I feel as though I am accepted as I have never been before. I talk to all these amazing, incredible people with their own stories (which are far more interesting than my own) and they give me hope that the world will be okay… will be amazing.

These people are who I have incredible conversations with. I hear about their own coming out stories, their first experiences, their first love, their current love and so much more. Some conversations are really personal and hit me on another level – I love being a part of these very open and intimate conversations: these people are why I am writing this article, this article is dedicated to them.

Image: Pixabay

I have had a conversation with two people who I would call my closest friends from university. These conversations were on the same topic and I would like to share them with you. In my body, I don’t fully feel female yet I would not class myself as male or non-binary either. This topic is very confusing for me to figure out and my journey so far has been incredible. The support I got from these two human beings were exactly what I needed, they even confided in me that they had similar thoughts and feelings. Though there is no major advancement in my own journey, I hope I find a conclusion (or what looks like one) soon. I also hope the same goes for these two beautiful humans.

I feel comfortable in my body, most of the time, and with one tattoo already on my body, I feel as though I have made it my own. Another tattoo is in progress and I cannot wait for this to be a part of my body too. It feels like I am claiming my body back from all the bad stuff it has already been through.

As I write, a weight feels as though it has been lifted off my shoulders

Part of me feels like I should have named this article What does it mean to be queer? yet I feel this is my coming story, this article right now. As I write, a weight feels as though it has been lifted off my shoulders.

Though this article is longer than I set it out to be already, I do have one more subject I would like to talk about – bisexuality. Why as a bisexual woman do, (stereotypically), straight men find this an attractive quality? To me, it makes no sense and I am still looking for answers. Just because I find all genders attractive means I will sleep with more than one person at a time? Ummmm… no it really doesn’t mean this! I will only ever sleep with one person at a time but I just find more of the population attractive than they might. 

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