One of the hardest parts of coming out is telling your family and thinking they will see you differently and not approve. Thinking they won’t love you for not being able to carry out traditional family values, thinking it’s just a phase and all the other worries that come with it.
When I came out to my parents, I cried and so did they – not in a disapproving way, but in a grateful, thank you for telling me, sorry you felt you couldn’t, way. My grandparents, however, did not have the best reaction, which I chalked up to generational values. Initially, they laughed and did not believe I had a girlfriend but after introducing her to the family and educating them, they are supportive and happy for me.
It is not your personal responsibility, but rather choice, to educate someone.
This did change my relationship with coming out, yet I believe that if someone truly loves you, they will not risk losing you and will wholly accept you as you are, even if it takes some time. It is not your personal responsibility, but rather choice, to educate someone on the matter of queer love and acceptance if you feel comfortable enough to do so.
Now, I believe that coming out is the biggest feeling of relief, despite mixed reactions as it has helped me to find myself and unlearn the heteronormative ideals that I believed and grew up with. I am happy with who I am and I believe the more you come out to people the more comfortable you become in your own skin.
I realise that my relationship with coming out will be different to other people. It can be so daunting and feel as though there is no support. If you are struggling to come out or need support in any way, LGBTNSG (@lgbtnorthernsocialgroup) is an incredible organisation that hosts community events and offers support to LGBTQIA+ members in numerous ways across the North.
There are people who will love you and accept you so take your time, set boundaries and know that you are not obligated to share this information with anyone you don’t want to.
No matter how many times I come out there will always be a small part of me that still worries.
I still get scared to come out to new people even if it’s something as small as mentioning my girlfriend and worrying about people’s reactions. No matter how many times I come out there will always be a small part of me that still worries. Sometimes I do have a cynical relationship with coming out. It feels like a never ending process with people I meet when it shouldn’t have to be: the assumption that someone is going to be straight unless they say so can get tiring.
Yet, coming out has undoubtedly gotten easier for me and I’m happy to say that the people I have chosen to share my life with have been accepting. I’m glad that in today’s society it is much easier to be more open with sexuality.