My relationship with male validation

Male validation is something that seems to govern the actions and attitudes of many people. Whereby someone’s self-worth and fulfilment, will solely be based on their desire for seeking the approval of men. The validation from a male can therefore replace one’s own personal sense of appraisal as they will begin to look at themselves through the ‘male gaze’ and manufacture themselves into becoming what a man wants.

Personally, my relationship with male validation revolves around not fitting the stereotypical expectation of being a man who is masculine. As a feminine presenting man, I am antithetical to the societal norm. Although freedom of expression is championed in contemporary society, toxic masculinity is still somewhat persistent and therefore can create attitudes that view feminine men as weak and shameful. This has led to a struggle in trying to have the courage to authentically portray myself.

There are moments when I struggle to validate my own feminine appearance as a man. This challenge is amplified by how trying to enforce a traditionally masculine appearance upon myself can incur a greater lack of self-validation as I would not be expressing myself in a manner that makes me happy.

My insecurities surrounding male validation have been heightened by the difficulty I have had making straight male friends. Before I can even try and befriend a man, he can analyse my appearance and because I do not look like the other guys around me it can be difficult to develop a friendship. However, the issue of trying to gain the male validation from a guy within a friendship context extends into the differences surrounding interests and sexuality.

Although, with these experiences comes the retrospective that if I was desperately trying to fit into a male social circle by changing myself then I would be validating their apprehensive attitudes.

Yet, it is more important to have an awareness that opportunities for male validation are not always sincere and genuine. You should never sacrifice your integrity for validation or trade your self-love at the expense of someone else’s love.

The complication of male validation is also prominent within a dating context, as I can be quick to make assumptions that I will not be someone’s type. This stems from the common preferences of gay guys being that they usually want to date a more masculine guy. Consequently, it can manifest doubts over having to submit to any opportunity for male validation.

Overall, my relationship with male validation can transpire into many different aspects of my personal life, friendships and relationships. However, the most important thing I have learned is that the only male validation I should seek is my own.