I grew up in the catholic church. My parents made sure we woke up by 5:30 am every day; every single day for morning devotion. We never missed a Sunday mass. Evening masses were out of it. On Mondays, we would go for a charismatic fellowship. I event went to a catholic boarding school.
The good thing about this is that I formed an early relationship with God. This meant knowing he existed, talking to him, crying, complaining, and detesting him sometimes.
I left my parent's home in 2017 for my first year of college. My body would wake up by 5 am, eventually, it stopped. I was going to church on Sundays out of habit and I stopped at some point. It came with guilt.
Living on my own helped me learn more about God and experience him personally. It helped me handle the guilt of this transition better; also the guilt of sin. Knowing that God doesn’t expect me to be perfect, that he loves me regardless and is always waiting with open arms.
I started going to church and worshipping God for his sake and mine, not because it was a rule but because I had experienced his love and goodness and I wanted more. People have tried to tell me that God doesn’t exist or that the Catholic church performed rites that were not in the bible. I am never moved. My relationship with him transcends man-made religious rules and regulations.
One of the reasons I hold onto God is for him to help me scale through the tides of life. It helps to believe in something: you have to believe that someone somewhere with incomprehensible powers, loves you enough to make things work in your favour, loves you enough to guide you, to teach you, to hold you, to comfort you and give you a happiness that makes no sense.
Sometimes, I think that God lit this passion to be a writer in me so I would never let go of him. To succeed as an author is no easy feat, with slush piles, and rejections— I haven’t gotten to that—- or the fact that there’s no money. At this point, I am holding onto God and believing in his grace and favour—People call it luck— to succeed.
I think it’s unfair to only be with someone because of what they can do for you so I started taking steps towards loving God unconditionally. I want to be a companion to this omniscient being. I read the bible, have funny and random conversations about stuff, and dedicate time to just thank him.
I also try to be like Jesus: being kind and good to people, loving people as I love myself. Sometimes it's not easy.
Now, I am reading the bible from the beginning and speaking all the promises God made to Abraham and his descendants into my life. In other words, manifestation. So far, it’s been amazing.