Nintendo Direct April 2022: Captain Falcon is chasing booty and more

Completely unexpected by fans and leakers alike, Nintendo announced yesterday that a new Nintendo Direct would stream this morning. Boasting an hour-long runtime, this would be their longest one yet, leading of course to a lot of announcements.

The first part of the Direct was pretty run of the mill, elaborating on titles that we already know are coming to the system. A short Nintendo Switch Sports trailer revealed the first wave of DLC, and that boxing master Matt would again be the final boss. It also showed a splatter of blood when the player was knocked out by him, suggesting the game may be darker than initially thought.

A brief look at Mario Strikers: Battle League Football revealed that – much to the delight of fans – Waluigi’s crotch chop from Super Mario Strikers would be making a return to the series. Just after this, Splatoon 3 introduced Sunshine Mode. Here, instead of spreading ink, you have to clean it up, or the police will arrest you. The title is a reference to Mario’s own criminal history that was explored in Super Mario Sunshine.

Next was the indie game announcements that nobody cares about. Let’s move on swiftly.

The first new game announcement was the long-awaited return of F-Zero, with the new entry F-Zero: Booty Chase. Pirates have bought out the F-Zero Grand Prix, and it is up to famous bounty hunter Captain Falcon to outrace them, return their stolen goods and save the Grand Prix from falling into ill repute. Fans never expected to see a new entry in the series, and have been whining online that the cartoony art style is not what they wanted.

After becoming immediately popular following its reveal trailer, Car Mouth Kirby (or Karby, as he likes to be known) is to be getting his own game in the style of Burnout. Car Mouth Kirby: Hanger Pains is about Kirby racing across the land in search of the last cheesecake, after King Dedede has eaten it all. In his blind hanger, Kirby will stop at nothing to get this cake, including destroying other cars, and worse, city infrastructure. Half an hour was spent on every single detail about the game, removing almost any aspect of surprise, and causing a fair amount of frustration in the livestream’s comment section.

In what seemed like a match made in heaven, Capcom and Nintendo would be partnering up to produce Yoshi’s Legal Trouble, a game in which the green dinosaur’s long-documented tax avoidance would come back to haunt him in a thrilling court case. Phoenix Wright would be his laywer, and the two would work together to ensure that Yoshi gets off the hook for his creative accounting over the years. Emphasis remained on third parties for the next announcement. The screen turned to black, and all that appeared was a logo. Dinosaur King: Jurassic Measures. The chat went wild with hype, as you’d expect.

The game announcements were briefly interrupted to reveal that Nintendo Switch Online is to be getting another new expansion pass. This lets you play Virtual Boy and Game and Watch games for the small price of an extra £15 a year. Additionally, server maintenance will be carried out in order to fix the litany of problems with the current online system.

Next, an elaborate cinematic trailer showed a world in ruin. Cities had fallen, trees were on fire, and huge robots patrolled, destroying everything in their path. This was, of course, the announcement for Animal Crossing: Apocalypse Wow. Tom Nook’s pursuit of cash led him to destroying the whole world so he could recreate it in his image and make a fortune in the process, selling overpriced homes to animals and villagers. Only you can stop him.

With the hour of announcements coming to a close, all eyes were on Nintendo to announce one final game. And they didn’t.