Open relationships: can they work?

One of our writers discusses the complexity of open relationships and dating in the modern scene

Elizabeth Parnell
9th April 2024
Image credit: Unsplash, Rafael Garcin
During studies, a lot of people figure out their personal boundaries and what they want from their relationships, and with the recent boom of discourse around non-monogamy, many opt to explore this sector of the dating realm.

An open relationship is a non-monogamous romantic relationship where each person may consensually have other sexual or emotional partners.

It may appear that people in non-monogamous relationships are always having an exciting time with lots of sex with many people. However, most integral to an open relationship is spending a lot of time discussing boundaries, declaring, negotiating, and agreeing upon the laws and rules of the relationship. During the last series of Big Brother, housemate Matty shared that he and his boyfriend have a lengthy Google Doc detailing the rules regarding their experiences with those outside of their open relationship. This begs the question - is this too much? There is surely a line to be drawn between a truly healthy relationship and one that is overly bureaucratised.

An open relationship could be a way to escape the prospect of never finding "The One" by finding your missing fulfilment elsewhere, but always having someone who ticks the rest of your boxes to return to

Unfortunately, relationships do fail and infidelity will never truly die. At a surface level, open relationships can be viewed as the ultimate form of having your cake and eating it too: cheating but not cheating. Yet, they completely remove all emotions of having an affair, bypassing opportunities for personal growth and self-reflection on temptation and forgiveness. The excitement, fun, guilt, suffering, and betrayal found in a tryst disappears - what is left is a detraction from the human condition.

Perhaps dating in the modern scene is stressful and unfulfilling due to the constant worry of perpetually being single - never finding someone who perfectly fulfils your needs. An open relationship could be a way to escape the prospect of never finding "The One" by finding your missing fulfilment elsewhere, but always having someone who ticks the rest of your boxes to return to. Relationships usually require some form of sacrifice: not everyone can be perfect! In open relationships, this is made through sexual encounters with others - and more importantly, the time spent away from each other doing so. Before considering an open relationship, or opening up an existing relationship, ask yourself: is this a sacrifice I’m willing to make?

Open relationships will only ever work when all parties within them have exceptional communication skills, complete comfortability being honest with each other, and the ability to completely disconnect sex from love. If you’ve ever felt jealous of a partner being with someone else or caught feelings from good sex, an open relationship won’t work for you.

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