People pleasing and its consequences

Everyone has probably experienced that awkward moment, when you feel like people are automatically expecting you to agree on something. It could be tomorrow’s meeting in a café or helping them out with their homework - and so to not cause any misunderstandings or disappointment, you say ‘yes’ to whatever they ask you for.

Being a people pleaser does not only mean feeling guilty about telling others ‘no’. It can also mean apologising for things that aren’t your fault, pretending that your opinion corresponds with others and what people think about you, and prioritising that over your actual feelings – if you have noticed one of the mentioned above within yourself – you might just be a people pleaser. It's a vicious cycle.

Some may argue that it's about being kind and making other people happy, hence the 'pleasing' in the title, which sounds like a nice concept. But you actually 'pleasing' others means you ultimately end up neglecting your personal needs. Not leaving time for yourself can have a massive impact on your mental health. You might feel frustrated, which can escalate to anxiety or stress as you won’t have the energy to do things that make you happy as well or prioritise yourself in the way you need to.

At the end of the day, you are the one who you go to bed with, get up with, and who is never gonna leave you, whatever happens. You must be your priority. Your life, your ambitions, your health, your happiness are all important, so it is also important to act like it. It might sound scary, and it might be difficult at the beginning, but once you start trying to break the people pleasing cycle, you will definitely feel the relief. People who want to stay in your life will respect your decisions, and people who won’t… forget about them. Look in the mirror at the person who truly understands your qualities and treat them well.