Realising and accepting that not everyone is going to fancy you, just like you don’t fancy everyone - has helped me with rejection a lot. If somebody replies to me saying no, I respect them for being honest and good at communicating. Ghosting is harder to process, and that’s a whole other topic in itself.
The reason I was so scared of rejection was because my self-confidence was so intertwined with other people's approval; if someone I fancied did not like me back, this would crush my confidence and it would take weeks to recover. I didn’t realise it wasn’t actually about them - it was about me. A rejection confirmed that I was unfanciable and unworthy.
Apply the principle of not giving a f*ck what anyone else thinks.
The embarrassment from facing the person again, and other people finding out, adds to the fear of rejection. For this, apply the principle of not giving a f*ck what anyone else thinks. People may have a judgement - not everyone is going to like you, but who cares? Even better on dating apps; you definitely won’t see them again (except maybe an awkward walk past on the street- ‘why do I recognise them?’).
If someone rejected me now, I would feel the initial sting (it’s not the nicest thing to hear), but I would be fine. If anything I would feel proud of myself for having the confidence to have asked the person in the first place.
When I was younger, my mum told me to tell my friends who I fancied as a way of alerting the person in question as the news spread. I interpreted this very wrong and have spent FAR too much time getting absolutely nowhere, hoping the person would hear and make some unrealistic romantic gesture (my mum is a strong independent woman and would never encourage this). Now that I realise I can take it into my own hands, I do. I am not wasting any more time or energy. As soon as I notice myself thinking about someone - I give myself an ultimatum. Either you stop right now (as the Spice Girls would say), or ask them out.
Even though I sound like I have it sorted, I am definitely not fully over this fear. I also realise rejection is more complex than I can cover in these 500 words.
I still take hours to decide whether to message and ask someone on a date - sometimes I even have to get my friend to click send. Asking someone in person is still too scary right now. I aspire to have that confidence, and most importantly, I know that one day I will.
