So ... your flatmates broke up 😳

Living with two people that broke up is never easy...

Cc Lee
3rd February 2022
Image from Pixabay @Pexels
It didn’t work out, the stars did not align, they weren’t compatible. And now you have to put up with it. The ever so inevitable sequel to “So … your flatmates are sleeping together.” I’m going play out some scenarios, in order to best equip you with how to handle this entirely hot and awkward situation. Enjoy.

Maybe they realised that they are more compatible as friends. This is the most desirable outcome, something to ease you in, dear reader. Now for this, your assistance is entirely not needed. Phew. The atmosphere in the flat should be the same, but with a few jokey remarks about the time that they slept together – “ahh, wasn’t that a funny episode.” Ensuring that the jokes don’t turn nasty or revengeful, then you’re most likely not gonna have a Shakespeare tragedy on your hands. It would be dreadful if they both died at the end. Whilst returning to friends can work, this could result in a breakdown (from either party) later down the line. Be prepared to pick up all the pieces if, after a few months, they realise they still love their flatmate.

So perhaps, they broke up over the Winter Break, on text. Okay, so it was probably mutual (which again, means there won’t be many cold stares in the kitchen. See next paragraph) but expect misery on both parts. Winter is miserable for most people, without handling a clean break. So spoil them rotten and take time to do something “festive" to spice up the afternoon – if not this will lead to sulking in bedrooms and moping about the house in lounge wear. Go for a coffee, a walk on the quayside (the pavement, not actually in the river). Or, if they’re the more adventurous type, you may have to venture into a night club. Keep it cheap, they don’t want a broken bank account as well as a broken heart.

Worse case scenario, one of them cheated. Now, I would like to clearly outline that the cheater should be entirely shunned – shut the doors in their face, use up all the hot water before they shower, rearrange the furniture in their bedroom (whatever takes your fancy). This is where you are most needed for the one that was cheated on. Cue the sobs, and the swearing (oh, be ready to listen to All Too Well (10 minute version) (taylor’s version) on repeat). Basically do everything in the afore mentioned paragraph but ten fold. Take them clubbing every night, organise coffee trips, cook meals together. Take their mind off of the cheating loser. Also, be ready for the constant talk about the relationship and offer a shoulder to cry on (not yours though, that would be tragic). And interrupt any cold stares given to the cheater in corridors, the kitchen, be ready to block that death stare (it is known that stares, death stares especially, actually do lead to fatalities. Proceed with caution).

All in all, a break up is not nice for anyone – especially if you’re meant to be the one helping. Be gentle on them, and be prepared to pick up all the pieces, yes even their exes shit. (If they have to pass clothes back across the hallway, not actual shit).

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