The biggest red flags that put an end to all shags

Ever wondered what to look out for in a potential partner?

Emmie Foster
3rd November 2022
In this generation, dating seems to be a complete and utter nightmare. Don’t want a relationship? Friends with benefits or ‘situationships’ will suffice. Are you looking for a relationship? Don’t bother, you might get the ick if someone treats you like a human being rather than “a plastic bag, drifting through the wind” - wise words of Katy Perry. Note: These four red flags may help you to avoid the clap and crippling mental health issues for the foreseeable future.
1. Bragging about sexual ability/experience

In uni especially, some people have minimal experience and might feel embarrassed if they haven’t had their first kiss. To then meet people who state their body count and brag about who they’ve slept with is unnecessary information to know and overall off-putting. Cockiness is not cute. Realistically, if someone was that good in bed, they’d keep it on the down low 😉

2. Frequent contact with an ex/exes

Just no. I am yet to be proven wrong as to why it's okay to be friends with your exes. Being civil is perfectly fine, but RUN immediately if anyone you want to date is still in close contact with them. It never ends well. To describe what this feels like I’ll let some song lyrics do the honours, “Alexa, play The Other Woman by Lana Del Ray”.

3. Has no ambition or future plans

I know some people just want to ‘live in la Vida Loca' and adopt a YOLO attitude, but this instability does not fit with personal career plans, especially if they're aiming to be an aspiring milf/dilf/WAG. Dating someone like this will make them dependent on you as a result, you want to have a partner, not a child. With that, however, there’s always the option to send them to Supernanny (Queen Jo Frost) to get knocked back down to earth.

4. ‘Billy no mates’

Often, there are reasons why some people have no friends. It’s best to steer clear of these people as they tend to suck the life out of you like a mosquito because they have fewer people to rely on. I suggest buying some bug repellent and ensuring there’s at least one highlight or picture of a friend on Instagram before you try and date the ‘mysterious loner’ who is actually very difficult to get along with. 

Final thoughts - If you’ve got this far and still (sadly) want to shag someone with at least one of these traits, always use protection as it would be a very sad world to live in if anyone described above, produced offspring.

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