The Single Sofa Potato's guide to Valentine's Day viewing

It’s V-day, and V most certainly does not stand for victory in this case. It’s the day for couples and you’re decidedly not in one. Jenny Cooke gives you the comprehensive guide for surviving February 14th.

8th February 2016

It’s V-day, and V most certainly does not stand for victory in this case. It’s the day for couples and you’re decidedly not in one. It’s not a bad thing: Valentines can be cringe as all hell. But all your flatmates are off to increasingly sickeningly sweet dates with their new/longtime lovers and you’re alone with food, the number for Dominos on speed dial and a laptop enticing you to a solo Netflix and chill. But what to watch? There’s 24 hours of love-sick assholes everywhere, which in my mind equates to 24 hours of episodes or films to get you through this.

There are five stages of death and five stages of accepting your fate as a single sofa potato. Here’s the five stages you too may hit whilst avoiding the outside world for a day.


First is denial. It’s totally possible to avoid watching anything to do with love - documentaries anyone? Making a Murderer is a good one for the two people in world who haven't already seen it. Blackfish could kill some hours if you really like whales. You could even try a show like Suits, where the law overrides the love, but eventually you realise that there are little hints of couples everywhere, which brings us on to...


Anger. Couples are annoying on a good day, all PDA and showing you what you’re missing; today is just the day they all rub it in your face. To deal with this stage I recommend horror or slasher films (or TV shows if you can find them), for one important reason: couples die first. If you were in a horror movie you would probably make it to the end as the survivor girl/boy, yay you! But vindictively watching couples be brutally murdered does bring on the guilt a little, so this brings you to...


Bargaining. A little bit of romance won’t hurt, will it? Maybe something like American Horror Story would work - there’s romance but that’s definitely not the overall plot. Coven would be the best for that, since it’s all about the HBIC’s rather than Evan Peters and whoever he’s coupled with in that particular season. Of course the little bit of romance then leads to a little bit more of romance and before you know it you’ve reached...


Depression. Just watch romcoms and eat at this point. There’s a whole genre of it on Netflix, and if you don’t have it, just turn on your TV and there’ll be a romance playing. Personal advice would be to watch one of the older ones: a different era means you can’t compare it as much, no one expects Mr. Darcy to crop up in the Student Union, or if they do they’re unfortunately mistaken.


In the end, after you go through all the stages, you reach the acceptance. Honestly? Just get through today and then revel in the half price chocolate tomorrow. It’s Valentine’s Day and you can’t change that, just go continue whatever show you were watching before the day started, and just accept that couples are everywhere, everyday, so might as well marathon The Vampire Diaries anyway. Even though literally everyone in that show is in a relationship. Sigh.

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