Two in love can make it: Graduating as a significant other

As an international student, I knew that any relationship I got into at university was eventually going to get finicky. In terms of the one I’m currently in, between visas and different graduating years, it was a topic that I wanted to avoid like the plague. Whoever you are, it is often an essential conversation to have, but I won’t sugarcoat it - it does suck.

‘Can we ever survive long-distance?’ That is probably the first question on every couple’s minds, unless you’re lucky enough to be from the same area. That is a concern that my boyfriend did share with me a few months ago, and at the time, it was a difficult talk. I’d also been wondering of course, but when he expressed uncertainty about wanting a long-distance relationship, I felt thrown off-kilter. At the time, my brain was telling me my graduation would mean a breakup. 

I think it’s really important to establish with your partner that it should never be a question of commitment or loyalty. Personally, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else right now, and I trust that he still wants the same with me. But commitment is very different from needs or wants. It’s going to be a difficult talk when your emotions are telling you that your relationship could be careering towards a split, but the sooner you are honest with your significant other, the less frustration there will be on either side however it turns out.

We’ve also gotten more comfortable with each other as our relationship has developed. When my boyfriend and I revisited where we wanted to be, I decided to do a panic masters so I was going to stay in the city anyway. But we also figured out that he wasn’t as doubtful of a long-distance relationship anymore. You have to remember, things can change with time and circumstances, and even if you are willing to work through it, your partner may not be on the same page. Just be kind and clear, and you will work something out.

If you aren't staying like me, there are plenty of long-distance relationships that have worked out with communication and effort from both parties. In this day and age of video calls and one-day delivery, it's easy to stay in each other's thoughts and create special surprises. Get to know each other's schedules, and find little pockets of time for you two. But if long-distance fails, don't take it too hard, it is a difficult process. Just remember that you have many more years ahead of you to find a partner and there will definitely be someone else out there for you.

My boyfriend and I are each other’s wants for the near foreseeable future, and whatever happens the year after, we will face it and talk it through together.