Disclaimer: This is a satirical commentary. The Courier understands the gravity of the situation and the concerns many students have with the U.S. policy changes. To those affected, The Courier urges individuals to seek support or contact the NUSU sabbatical officers if they have any concerns.
20 January saw the 45th President of the United States become the 47th, with New York businessman Donald Trump and running mate JD Vance sworn in at the Capitol Building. The atmosphere was jubilant for the President’s red-capped supporters, although slightly marred by the richest man in the world throwing up an alleged Roman salute—widely associated with Nazi Germany.
While Musk was doing his best impression of Field Marshall Erwin Rommell, Trump was getting to work on a series of executive orders—directives from the President about the function of the US federal government.
These orders included the creation of a whole government department named after an unfunny meme from 10 years ago (you can tell that one was Elon’s idea) and the declaration of a national emergency at the US-Mexico border.
Most notable out of any act, however, was the executive order titled:
“Defending women from gender ideology extremism and restoring biological truth to the federal government”.
This is an obvious and a not-so-veiled attempt to define millions of Trans-Americans out of existence. The act’s small print had the unintended consequence of eliminating all men from reality...
Scrolling down to the “Policy and Definitions” header, we read that the US federal government now recognises ‘Female’ as “a person belonging, at conception, to the sex that produces the large reproductive cell”.
Eagle-eyed readers, science students, and, frankly, anyone with an understanding of reproduction beyond Year 6 sex education might spot a tiny problem...
Even if we ignore the bizarre idea that human embryos begin producing ova and sperm at the exact moment of conception, the order has some funny implications. For the first six to seven weeks of a pregnancy - before the development of the Y chromosome, which produces changes associated with the male sex - all foetuses are technically female.
"With conception occurring in week one, President Trump has just declared that every US citizen from Maine to Malibu is hereby a woman..."
Most had expected the Trump administration to be radically anti-trans.The Republicans did run on an explicitly transphobic platform after all, but now, with the swish of a pen, the Commander-in-Chief has transitioned 165.8 million previously male Americans, including himself (sorry, herself).
With the United States now resembling the Ancient Greek legend of the Amazons—a race of all-female warriors—it is unknown what future lies ahead for President Donna Trump and VP Jemma Vance. From the wise words of the queer icon Chappell Roan, "Good Luck Babes!"
