We live in a world in where it's believed that if no one saw what you did, then it didn’t happen. That sounds stupid doesn’t it? But it's how we think. Needing validation is a human thing. We want to feel rewarded as it provides hormones for happiness and satisfaction. It’s a biological need. It makes you feel good. Hearing someone tell you that they are proud of you and praise whatever you have done feels great. So why do we think it’s bad to want it?
It’s a biological need. It makes you feel good.
I don’t think that it's inherently bad. It’s just that we have been taught that outside validation is the only proper way in which we can feel proud of ourselves, that we need others to recognise our achievements for them to matter. Take academic validation for example. I was raised in a household where high grades mattered the most. I became extremely high-achieving thanks to that and grew anxious and perfectionist at the same time, quickly burning out. In uni, I seek out good grades because of the validation it provides me from a professional saying I have done a good job. That’s how I have based my worth for years and I am trying to change it. But it doesn’t have to be like that.
Validation can be something great. If you learn to not base your entire worth on it and simply enjoy when someone you value recognises and praises your achievements, it’s amazing. It feels great to share bits of yourself and get a ‘good job’ or a ‘I’m proud of you’ in return. It’s only natural to crave that because it makes you feel good.
