The Jesmond Girlies are an iconic staple of Newcastle University. You’ll see them on campus (when they actually decide to turn up for their lectures) with a matcha latte in hand, sporting jeggings and a Ralph Lauren jumper, paired with a scarf so thin they might as well not be wearing one at all. Of course, they live in Jesmond (living anywhere else would be sacrilegious) and think that Osbournes is the greatest place in the world. They do their weekly food shop at Waitrose and think truffle pasta and a lemon-and-lime vape are the essentials. Despite their slightly jarring, overly Southern accents, you can’t help but love them.
Whether it’s dressing up in a bin bag or smearing themselves in white paint and calling themselves a sheep, we all have that one flatmate who loves a Wednesday night sport social. Despite their looming Thursday 9 am, they are ready for a night of stupid costumes, pub crawls and questionable forfeits for not finishing their drink. While they are fully dedicated to the social aspect, the sports part tends to be nonexistent. A tennis social one week to a football social the next, this student has no real interest in being the next BUCS champion, but they’re more than willing to do a few shots whilst dressed as a carrot.
The Newcastle University rugby lads are just as iconic as the Jesmond Girlies, but instead of a matcha latte in hand, they’ll have a protein shake in one and a pint in the other. With their mullets, quarter zips and trust funds, the Rugby Lads are all about the “banter.” They walk around campus with an air of entitlement and think that just because they can throw a ball sideways, they can get away with anything. A reality check is much needed.
Calling them DJs is generous, but we all know someone at university who thinks they’re going to be the next Fred Again. They have the decks, the rave sunglasses and believe that their mashup of “No Broke Boys” will be the next viral hit. Walking into pres at someone’s flat and seeing some blonde skinhead with DJ decks set up in the kitchen is a heartbreaking experience. You know you’re in for a few hours of bad mashups, terrible music (that they think is “underground”) and just an overall cringe experience. Maybe they should start putting more effort into their degree to prepare themselves for the inevitable failure of their DJ career.
You’ll see them on campus, no matter the weather, handing out leaflets advertising free shots, an unmissable event and discounted drinks all night. They’re impossible to ignore, and more of them always seem to be popping up, advertising the same discounts which will always turn out to be a scam (I learnt this the hard way during Freshers!) No matter how exciting they make it sound or how much discount they offer me, I will not be attending. Whilst I respect the graft, I just want to be left alone; there’s only so many leaflets I can fit in the bin!