Who to expect when you go to the gym

Going to the gym is as much a about exercise as it is observing the humans around you, Siobhan Fuller has all the people to look out for next time you are breaking a sweat

20th February 2017
Dumbbells Weight Lifting Weights Sports Equipment

It’s the start of 2017 and the gym is a place that a lot more of us are becoming familiar with. We finally are getting used to the layout of the machines, you’re friendly with the trainers at reception, and you’ll start to recognise the types of annoying people who are also working out. It’s more than likely that you can pinpoint exactly who they are next time you hit the treadmill:

1) The Peacock

So you’ve just rolled out of bed, chucked on whichever sports bra is closest to hand and pulled your hair up into a bun. It’s fine, no one will even notice at this time of the morning and it will probably be empty because most people are in bed. Except you look over from the leg press and notice a matching set of Nike trainers, crop top and leggings. Her hair is glossy, her skin is glowing and she has barely broken a sweat. Most annoyingly, she’s nailing her squats whilst looking like a Victoria’s Secret model. That toothpaste stain on your shirt now feels like a neon sign declaring just how together she is in comparison to you.

“Most annoyingly, she’s nailing her squats whilst looking like a Victoria’s Secret model”

2) The Hoarder

On one bench, they’ve thrown their hoodie; on another, they have their water bottle balanced. On the floor space next to them, their headphones’ wire is trailing. Basically, they have taken up as much room as possible without physically lying down and spreading themself out like a starfish. In addition to that, they’ve taken one of every dumbbell weight just in case they need them at some point in the next hour. They behave like it’s their own private gym, and you can forget about using half the equipment when they’re working out.

3) The Texter

This perpetrator (a close cousin to the Hoarder) is taking the longest break in the world. In fact, you’ve listened to two songs on your playlist and they’re still tapping away on their phone whilst sitting at a machine. In all honesty, you’re not even sure if they’ve started their work out.

“We get it, you lift... please stop disrupting us with the sexual noises”

4) The Grunter

Uncomfortably loud groans followed by a melodramatic crash provide the soundtrack to your gym routine as the guy in the corner - most likely the one wearing a very strappy vest and vigorously shaking their protein bottle - insists on lifting and dropping the heaviest weights. We get it, you lift. Please stop disrupting us with all those weirdly sexual noises.

“At the end of the day, if you’re at the gym you are already ahead of the person still sat on their sofa”

5) The Judge

No doubt about it, those four stereotypes are irritating but the worst kind of person at the gym is the one who overtly judges everyone else. You can hear them giggle at the person who is red in the face and sweating after hitting the rower, or who is still trying to work out which weight they can lift on the chest press. At the end of the day, if you’re at the gym, you’re already leaps and bounds ahead of the person sat on the sofa. We should support each other, no matter how long we’ve been a gym-goer for, so the individuals who laugh at those putting in the effort are undeniably the most awful. Give me a Texter any day over them!

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